Marriage isn’t always a bed of roses. In fact, I’ve found that marriage is filled with lots of thorns. I know we have to weather many different seasons of marriage. That means we go through loads of different types of storms of marriage. Despite all of that we have to find the silver lining in marriage in the midst of all of it!
Del works many long hours and days now. As a result our time is basically cut down to nothing, and when we are together he’s so tired he can barely function. I feel for him. I worry about him and his health withstanding all he’s going through to provide for his family.
Granted, I’ve started earning money from home too, but like any business or project it takes time for it to take off full force. Since I’m limited on the amount of hours I’m able to spend on getting it off the ground there isn’t much time for it to grow over night. I haven’t found that magic key to show you and the rest of the world just how legit it really is.
So as a result, Del feels he has to give his job 120% of his effort and energy. That means he has no energy left for ME or even our kids. His family is having to take a back seat and literally get his scraps. Now I know I’m not alone with this issue! I can’t be there are way to many men in this world like my husband, who are hard workers and who will drain themselves dry to make their families happy!
Now the thing is I’m desperately trying to find the silver lining in marriage through this stage of only getting his scraps. Del has spoiled me rotten for well over five years now by working from home. When he is full of life and energy, I am the most spoiled wife alive!! I’m treated like a queen and a half by him, and he makes darn certain the kids do the same.
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Dang gone it, I’m not getting spoiled anymore and I miss it. I’m the one having to do all the serving. I’m the one who has to make sure he’s treated like royalty when he’s here even that means cooking him something at 1-2AM. Now I’ve told you before that I struggle with loving him like he deserves. I’ve been trying really hard to do it!
To me to show him the love he deserves means:
1.) Being patient (Right now about the long hours he’s working to provide for our family. Enduring the fact that I just get his scraps of energy.)
2.) Being supportive (Again not complaining about his long hours and adding to his stress level.)
3.) Being selfless (Being willing to drop to anything and be with him when he is home. Serving him all the time with his meals, clean home (well as clean as I can get it with three kids under tow…if I could get TWO FULL days with ALL of my kids gone I do declare I could really deep clean this house A LOT. I believe that would make all of us feel better), and anything else he desires.)
There is so much more to my definition of loving him like he deserves, but those are the primary ones I’m struggling with.
The silver lining in marriage for me through all of this is the fact that we are still together trying desperately to shower each other with love in our own unique ways.
We are in this together. We are pushing through. He is doing his job, and I’m doing mine. We will get through this like we have everything else.
Great tips. I always say communication is the biggest key in a marriage 🙂
Stephanie,
You are so right that communication is key. Without it we struggle to survive it all.
Being selfless is something I struggle with when it comes to the hubs because I spend all day doing it for both of my kids. I THINK I am getting better!
Sara,
It’s refreshing to hear that someone else struggles with this issue too. I definitely want to pawn the kids off on him when he’s home and/or I want to hog all of his attention when he’s around.
My husband works and travels a lot, and it is not easy. Hang in there.
Kelly,
You are so right it is NOT easy. I haven’t had to do it long with three kids on my hands. I did it for awhile when Del was a truck driver over the road, but I was pregnant and it was only for a couple of months that we were separated. I knew how long it was going to last, and I was able to get through it as a result.
Now I wonder if he’ll ever work normal hours again and be able to be himself again. I keep praying!! He needs all the support he can get right now, and I’m trying like crazy to give it the best way I know how. The problem is I’m not to trained on doing this role. 🙂
Thank you for the encouraging words.
My silver lining is that we have made it this far with 6 kids and two who are autistic. It’s a struggle some days but we just keep chugging along.
That’s quite a silver lining to share. I’m totally impressed. Thanks for sharing.
My husband and I make a good team. We work well together. Great post!!
I’m so glad that you work well together. That’s always a great benefit.
Crystal, we are right there with you… I mean right in the thick of it, but daily I look for the silver lining and we are making it through one step at a time. Thank you so much for your post and tips.
Thanks for stopping by. Maybe we can support each other so that we can better support our spouses too? Thanks for commenting.
Marriage is like a roller coaster with many ups and downs, but thrilling nonetheless.
Lynda,
Oh so true!! I don’t like the emotional roller coaster ride myself, but I do love the fact that I am married to my best friend and married to a man who completes me.
With two little kids at home it can be tough! We cling to the fact that we are both experiencing the same stage in life and that we need to lean on each other to get through it and enjoy it at the same time 🙂
Jacklynn,
You said it right, “we cling to the fact that we are both experiencing it together.” Del and I do the same thing. We go through each stage of life together as one unit. There is no separation between us in anything we endure.
I think marriage is a give give. It’s hard but many couples have a working parent and an at home parent, by choice or by disability. I feel as though there are many things that my husband does and I wish I could do more, but he always tells me that emotionally and mentally he needs me more then he needs my physical help with chores or what not around the house that I can’t do. Since he works 50+ hours a week I feel bad asking him to do small things like cleaning the ceiling fans. I clean the house, but because of a disability I am not able to use a ladder. So I am limited. I think there are ways to make it all work!
Bobbie,
I understand all to well about having disabilities and them limiting you as far as being able to do all the things you’d love to do for your home without having to put more things on your husband’s to do list. Like you though, I have to add to my husband’s work load because I am limited on what I can do on some things. You’re right there are always ways to make it work, it’s just figuring out that system is sometimes difficult to do.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
My silver lining these days is that hubbie still comes home at the end of a long work day with a smile and a glad-to-be-home kiss for me, even though I am not always the easiest person to live with!
That is definitely a silver lining. My husband does come home ready to get a hug and a kiss too. He definitely makes it known that he enjoys being with me when he’s home. I should be looking at the fact that he is home everyday and I do get to wake up next to him. Instead of complaining that he’s gone more than he’s here. I’ve just been spoiled for YEARS with having him with me 24/7. I MISS him! You’d think I’d be glad to have him gone since I was with him for so long, but I’m not and I know I never will be.