I’ve talked about this a couple of times throughout the course of this blogs existence. However, I just got done reading a blog that made me think way to much. My heart goes out to the blogger big time because I can feel her pain, frustration, anger, and total utter disappointment. (As much as I’d love to share her post, I’m not going to because I don’t have her consent to do it. If I share a post it’s normally because it’s one that is up lifting and a great read.)
Reasons for divorce in my book:
1.) Making me feel like my kids life and/or mine is in danger. (Notice: I didn’t just jump on the bandwagon and say all physical abuse. Some stages of physical abuse can be stopped and actually never have to worry about it happening again, but it doesn’t happen over night. You have to honestly know a lot about anger and the stages of physical abuse to understand my true reasoning behind this. HOWEVER, I do suggest a separation until the needed help is received for the person who is abusive.)
2.) A person who has cheated on you more than once. The saying “once a person cheats they will always cheat” is actually a lie!! When I was a teenager and prior to my first marriage, I couldn’t stay loyal to one person if my life depended on it. I have not once cheated on Del and I know I’ll NEVER in a million years do it because I value my marriage. Now, I have seen some really amazing people cheat on their spouses one time and there were some pretty messed up stories behind it happening. Sometimes a heated moment can get carried away before you realize it happens. The trick is to never put yourself in the situation that it happens in the first place. I was in that situation once since I’ve been married, but I also trusted the man completely not to do anything. We talked about our spouses the entire time we were together. It was completely work related, and I do believe he felt as uncomfortable as I did. To this day, this man is a good friend to me (actually he’s more like a mentor than a friend because he reminds me of an uncle I never got to have.)
Note: There are many different forms of cheating in my book, emotional relationship with someone else, having an issue with porn related material, and of course, physical cheating.
3.) Drug and alcohol abuse when the person refuses to get help for it. Drug and alcohol abuse is extremely hard to break (just like the anger issue in one is hard to break.) However, it can be done and controlled. It takes help from a professional.
All of those reasons are strong reasons for divorce and no one would blame you for divorcing that person. However, notice that I stated all of them can be addressed and resolved.
It takes two to make a marriage work and/or fall apart. I’m no saint when it comes to the marriage world because I’ve endured two divorces. The first one was 110% my fault because I literally went insane due to my depression getting out of control, and I refused to get help. I made even more mistakes after he left me. My second marriage should have never happened in the first place because we got married for all the wrong reasons, and I regret that more than I can express. He was a saint in my book for releasing me out of my marriage to him knowing full and well I was headed straight for Del when he left. No, I didn’t cheat on him with Del, but he knew I wanted to be with Del.
However, I’ve learned from my mistakes and that of my parents (both of them were married over 4 times EACH.) If I had married Del in 1998, like I originally planned to, I guarantee we never would have gotten divorced at all. Our marriage is NOT a bed of roses. There are issues, but I don’t know of a single marriage that is issue free. Marriage is WORK! There are times when one of you has to hold both of you together.
You keep trying until you figure out a solution. You get outside help when the chips are down to the point that you don’t know what to do. You learn the power of forgiveness!! You remember that love keeps no records of wrongs done. You remember that love is patient because it literally has to be in order to get through the rough times.
You also have to realize that all improvements start with YOURSELF NOT YOUR SPOUSE. If you are upset and feel there is no hope, then look in the mirror and figure out what YOU can do differently to make your spouse feel your love and feel your respect. Remember men long for respect and woman long for love.
Above all else, pray until something happens. God created all of us and marriage to be a great thing for us.