Marriage Trouble Warning Signs

Often times in marriage couples don’t see the signs of their marriage falling apart until it’s too late to do anything to fix the issue without loads of major lifestyle changes. In our society, by the time it gets to that point, these couples throw in the towel and walk away from each other and get a divorce. I desperately want to help couples get into the mentality of “working on their marriage daily” so that they never get in this altering position. Today I want to help you see some of the marriage trouble warning signs that many couples overlook that can lead to the destruction of a marriage.

Quality Time

I’ve stressed that time is love a lot through the years. In our society, time has become something everyone wishes they had more of. Yet since the beginning of time we’ve all been given the same amount of time to work with. It just seems that our priorities on how to spend that time has drastically changed through the years. Often times, there’s a lonely spouse who waits at home for their hard-working spouse to stop working long enough to spend time with them. That lonely spouse would give up all the materialistic items in the world just to have treasured time with their spouse. Or there is a person waiting impatiently for their spouse to want to give up some other luxury outlet just spend some of that time with them. Either way, spouses aren’t not carving out time to spend it with the person they claim to love the most. My wish for you, this week is to make it a point to put on your crazy hectic calendars one to two days a week to be with your spouse for a few hours. Those couple date nights a week are sure to make a huge impact on your marriage.

Communication Issues

Communication becomes a thing of the past. Often couples over time tend to let it take a back seat. Issues get swept under the rug rather than dealt with head on. They feel like they have more time to work on them later on. Even the communicating of love between one becomes less important. Every other aspect of your life comes across as meaning more. Remember how when you were dating, you couldn’t wait to talk to your spouse. Now talking to your spouse about the big issues and thoughts is like pulling teeth. My wish for you this week is to make it a point to really talk to your spouse about what is on your mind whether it’s your overflowing love for them or it’s a bone that you need to pick them. Be sure in all of your talks you show love. Make it a habit to never let the sun go down without making sure all issues are cleared up between you both.

Lack of Affection

Acts of affection tend to stop. I harp enough about sex that I don’t think I even need to go into that discussion in this post. The acts of affection that I’m referring to are those little things you do when you’re dating that tend to diminish the longer you’re married. I’m talking about holding each other’s hand, stealing a passionate kiss in the elevator when you’re alone in it, patting each other on the butt in passing and something as simple as a big bear hug. Stop what you’re doing long enough to make one of these little acts of affection happen when you’re around your spouse this week. It’s sure to brighten their day. (Warning: It could very well lead to other things too.)

These are just some of the things that are warning signs that it’s time to start putting more work into your marriage. There are plenty more, but these three were put in my face recently by another couple that I hold dear and near to my heart. It’s important that we pay attention to these marriage trouble warning signs and put a stop to our negative actions. We need to make sure we take time to make our marriages grow and thrive while we have the chance to do it.

What are some other marriage trouble warning signs that you think should have been added to this list?

 

 

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Crystal

I'm Crystal. I'm married to Dale, and mother to Johnny. Some might say that my life is perfect because I get to do all the cliché wife things like cooking, cleaning, and decorating - but there's more! I also have many hobbies including needlework (crochet), sewing, and reading. My son's education is important, so we homeschool him together.

42 comments on “Marriage Trouble Warning Signs”

  1. I think are so many things to battle marriage now a days. Like you said, people dont make enough time to spend time with each other. My husband works two jobs and a seasonal third so he is not around as often as I would like but its needed with all the rising costs. I am glad that we share a love of reading and watching certain show together so at least we can spend time laying around with each other and talking.

    Reply
    • I’m glad that you watch shows together. That’s what Del and I do, and it makes a huge difference. I feel like we remain close because we know we have set days a week that we’re almost guaranteed to spend time together.

  2. I agree that communication and spending time together is very important. My husband and I used to be less than close to each other and through a lot of work on both of our parts we are now closer than ever. Marriage takes WORK and commitment from both people. Thanks for sharing these great tips!

    Reply
    • Andrea,

      You’re right it does take commitment from both people. If you’re both not involved in making it work then it makes for a miserable life together. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

  3. I think it’s dangerous, too, when spouses feel the need to “get away” from each other or when they can’t even look at each other without making a sour face. My husband and I are best friends but we have to work to keep that relationship working and both have to throw selfishness out the window!

    Reply
    • Throwing selfishness out the window is a good point! Many couples fail to do that, and it’s good that you and your spouse work diligently to do that. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

    • I hope that you can find time to be together more. It’s hard to keep the marriage alive when you’re not spending time together. Please make a point to start scheduling at least one day a week that you’re together for a few hours at a time.

  4. You are so right! Communication is a big one for sure. Making sure you are spending enough quality time with other too is a big one. And yes, sex! Also finances, they are as far as statistics goes, one of the leading causes for divorce. Great post Crystal! Will pass this one around for sure!

    Reply
    • Finances is huge! I didn’t even touch on that topic. I am glad you brought it up. Without proper communication though, it’s really hard to work through anything. Thank you for stopping by and commenting.

  5. Even after being married ten years, my husband and I are still working on communication and have breakthroughs frequently. Our most recent communication breakthrough is how we receive the other’s feelings. He may say it one way, but I receive it another and get hurt or defensive. After we realized how it wasn’t being perceived correctly, our talks about our feelings are much better received.

    I found your post at Small Victories Sunday linkup!

    Reply
    • Brandi,
      I understand how that can be an issue even after so many years. Del and I have known each other for well over 20+ years, and it still happens from time to time for us. He’s learned the fine art of asking me if he perceived what I said the right way before he gets mad. I am terrible at not wording things correctly.

  6. Communication is important along with the same values and goals especially financial. Some of the men in my office complain about their marriages and almost all of them are upset about money. Of course it is the wife’s fault and the wife’s responsibility to change. I’ve come home my than once and told my husband we are fortunate to be so alike in our thinking.

    Reply
    • Finances is really a big issue many couples struggle with finding a happy medium on. Del and I always discuss money together BEFORE it comes in that way we have a chance to hatch it out accordingly. We do try to be fair about how it’s spent. It’s a big deal for sure. I’m glad you pointed this issue out too.

      Thank you for stopping by and commenting. I hope to see you again.

  7. Priorities. Making sure you both have your priorities right is really important, is social media really more important then playing with the dog? Is your hobby really more important then chores? Sometimes it is, but it’s knowing when and not neglecting each other without thought.

    Reply
  8. I think communication and intimacy issues are the ones that I struggle with the most. Thank you for sharing at The Weekend Brew!

    Reply
    • Barbie,

      I struggle with communication issues a lot because I can say one thing and mean something totally opposite. I can write out my thoughts really well because I take the time to reread what I wrote to make sure it says what I’m really trying to mean. However, to just have a conversation, there are many times when I say the wrong thing. I thank God every day that Del knows this downfall of mine and works with it. It’s nice to know we’re not alone in these trenches of difficulty.

      Thank you so much for sharing your own experiences with us. I am glad you stopped by and I hope you’ll come back again soon.

    • Many couples aren’t taking the time to do that everyday anymore. It breaks my heart to see it happening all around us.
      Thank you so much for coming by and commenting. I hope to see you again soon.

  9. Thank you Crystal for this post and all the reminders in it, you have so many valid points. We need to work on our marriages daily, but I also think we need to go into marriage thinking that I will not get a divorce. We have had rough times (normally put onto us by other family members) but it never came into our minds to separate or divorce. We had decided from the start to stick with it. Divorce seems to be such an easy out nowadays. Thank you so much for the reminder of affection, so often we are so tired that it is the last thing on our minds, but it is so important. Thank you for sharing this thought provoking post with us at Good Morning Mondays. Blessings to you and yours.

    Reply
    • I agree that divorce should be taken off the table. Too many couples have become quick to use it as an option to solving their problems.I’m glad that you and your husband have the mentality that you’re in for the long haul.

      Thank you for stopping by and commenting. I hope to see you again soon.

  10. I love the idea of working on your marriage daily. That really is the only way. A lot of things in life work out better if you just take it day by day. #MommyMeetupMondays

    Reply
    • I agree with you! Although, I have been diligently trying to get a few days ahead with blog work lately. 🙂
      Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. I hope to see you again soon.

  11. I totally agree with all of these points! Although we may have our ups and downs, my partner and I have remained strong for 9 years now and I attribute a lot of it to the fact that we still kiss, hold hands, and say I love you multiple times a day and try to make sure we take time just for us. Even if communication can be rocky at times, we always manage to talk through our issues. It really is something that needs to be attended to daily!

    Thank you so much for sharing with us at #MommyMeetupMondays!

    Reply
    • I’m glad to hear that you and your partner are still strong! That is so important! It is those little things that do make a huge difference in keeping the relationship strong in my opinion.
      Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. I hope to see you again soon.

  12. Even though this is a symptom of the other issues, I would add passive aggressive behavior. Stopping by from Small Victories Sunday. Have a great week.

    Reply
  13. Crystal,
    As a family & marriage counselor, I agree there are many red flags. I would add to the list “secret” accounts and passwords, developing “friendships” with the opposite sex, withholding sex or affection, not speaking for days after a disagreement, and refusing to seek counseling when things are clearly not right. But I would also like to say that one person learning to respond right CAN make a difference. If your spouse isn’t willing to seek counseling, start alone.
    Marriage is hard work and without God’s help and an understanding of how He designed marriage, it’s almost impossible. But when we do, it’s well worth the effort.
    Donna

    Reply
    • I’m glad you added those tidbits of other signs. They are a huge red flags, but most people notice those right away. It’s been my experience that those signs come up after these three warning signs go ignored. Wouldn’t you agree with that one?

      I also second your opinion that even having one spouse working on the marriage can make a difference, it just may take longer to actually see the results.

      I’m so glad that you stopped by and shared your experience and knowledge with us. I hope to see you again soon. (I’m always open to having guest posts too.)

  14. Thanks for sharing. We hear too many times that someone doesn’t pay enough attention or show affection from people we know. Pinning to our Small Victories Sunday linkup board.

    Reply
    • I do agree that it is stated everywhere, but many times people don’t really heed that bit of advice until it’s to late.

      Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting. I hope to see you again soon.

  15. Working on your marriage daily is a great suggestion. It is so hard to do though with a new baby and both parents working full time. So I can definitely see how important it is.

    Reply
    • I am glad you can see the benefit in it. Like you pointed out with kids and work, it becomes harder to do, but it’s something we should strive to make time for.

  16. These are all great reminders of what to focus on in a relationship. Sometimes with the hustle and bustle of life, we forget. Thanks for sharing with us on the Momma Told Me Link Party. Come back soon!

    ~Jen

    Reply
    • You’re right we do often forget what really matters most. I hope that many people do get inspired to change their priorities.
      Thank you for stopping by and commenting. I hope you’ll stop by again soon.

  17. Crystal, these are all great points. I totally agree with you on the lack of time. My hubby and I have been so busy these last few months that our quality time as really suffered. We’ve now made it a point to schedule time out for just us. It is so important to stay connected with your spouse.

    Reply
    • I’m glad that you agree with me. I’m so glad to hear that you and your husband are making time to be together more.

      Thank you for stopping by and commenting. I look forward to seeing you again soon.

  18. I’ve been married for over 20 years and agree with all of the warning signs you mentioned. In fact, I think every symptom falls into one of those 3 categories (time, communication, and affection). Thank you for linking this up at This Is How We Roll Thursday. It’s full of valuable insight and I hope others take the time to stop by and read it.

    Reply
    • Corinne,

      I’m glad that you enjoyed reading this post and are in agreement with me. They are pretty big issues that many couples let happen without even realizing it started.

      Thank you for stopping by and commenting. I hope to see you again soon.

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