I have always been very transparent on my blog. My family knows that there is a good chance that anything we do or say may end up on my blog or in some form of social media. Our marriage is no different. Granted, I don’t share with you every nasty detail of our marriage. I do share with you some of our struggles to let you know that we are NOT perfect and we never will be. I had a newsletter from my absolute favorite resource,the Happy Wives Club , that posed the question… Is your marriage better today than it was yesterday?
That got me thinking about the fact that my marriage is definitely better today than it was yesterday. Hang it’s better than it was five years ago when we first got married. We have literally be living the vows that we stated when we got married back on May 21, 2008.
What Living the Vows Means
Living the vows means that we have to it stick out when the going gets rough. We have to put our spouses ahead of everyone else in our lives. We have to WORK daily to find a way to get through life’s battle grounds. We have to be there for our spouses through sickness, complex job situations, and losing family members.
Living the Vows in Motion
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I’ve found that one of the biggest things that makes the most difference in marriage is open honest hard core communication with each other. Couples who are not connected enough with each other that they can’t finish each other’s thoughts, know what the other wants prior to them asking for it, and is not having their physical needs met by their spouse are NOT, and I repeat NOT, having the type of communication it takes to survive the hard times in a relationship.
That leads to many issues in marriage. To me lack of communication, is a silent marriage killer that is more deadly than a spouse who cheated on their spouse. Nine times out of ten a spouse who cheated on their spouse is a result of them not having a connection with their spouse anymore.
Due to my husband and I having open communication, we were able to set up a plan to help him achieve his goals with fixing the store he’s operating and still be a part of our lives here. It’s not going to be much easier and he’s not going to be home that much more for a while. However, every little bit makes a difference. Instead of him making a uniform decision about the extra hours he’s putting in, we’re making them together now. Now he works late when I have blogging events going on. Now we’re not missing out on the chance to be together.
Let’s face it in our society that we live in, we are all slammed packed with obligations. We all have to work extremely hard in order to literally make ends meet. I don’t think I even need to mention all the events that go on for our kids lives.
As a couple though, we have to work together to get schedules straight and still have time for US. Last night we literally were able to be together from 8:30pm until 1Am spending quality time together. It was pure heaven! It helped us remember why we got married. It helped us reconnect with each other completely.
I feel like I can handle going through the hard season of his work load for a while longer now. I believe that I won’t continue to go on this emotional roller coaster ride I was on because now I know I’m a part of helping him decide when to work the extra hours. Now granted, there are going to still be days when he has no control over having to do it, but at least I can feel like we’re being a team.
I realize not all couples have that option. However,you do have the option to discuss in detail how events in your life are affecting your relationship. Keep in mind, when something affects you individually it has an impact on both of you.
Prime Example of Living the Vows
A friend of mine has a marriage that is one worth mentioning. Their marriage was always one that fascinated me. You see them in church and how they showered each other with affection. They have eyes that sparkled for each other even after years of marriage.
Then she got diagnosed with breast cancer. To be honest, I was scared to death what was going to happen to her relationship with her husband. I feared for her little girl’s world. Through the course of her treatments and her recovery, I still observed her relationship with her husband.
Guess what happened?? He loved her through it….
If that isn’t living the vows of marriage, then I don’t know what is!! True marriage vows are ones that we make to last a lifetime.
How are living the vows of marriage today to make your marriage better than it was yesterday?
Mike and I are not yet married though we plan to be soon – but we “live” this daily already. Relationships take work and focus and commitment at any level. Great post!
Lynsey,
You bring up a great point that relationships at any level can use these tips and more. Glad you found them useful.
Great tips. Living the Vows is so important in a good marriage.
Glad you like the tips. I am glad you think that living the vows is important too.
I think that communication is key as well.
It opens the doors to everything else in my book. Glad you were in agreement with me.
Communication is the key. It’s also hard to do at times.
Lynda,
I’m so glad to hear that you stated that it’s hard to do at times. I find it definitely is hard to do it plenty of times. It’s even harder when you hardly get to see each other in person.
I’ll be married 21 years in a couple of weeks. Not easy, but worth it!
Congrats on making it 21 years in today’s society. That is a true testament to the fact that you have to be living your vows in your marriage. Thanks for stopping by.
Very good tips! Communication is so important!
Glad you liked the tips. If there is no communication then the relationship pretty much dies.
My husband and I do live the vows. They are so important to both of us.
Glad to hear that you and your husband live your vows. That is such a refreshing comment to read.
Communication is such a major piece of a happy, healthy marriage.
Glad that you agree with me that communication is helpful key to keeping a marriage thriving. Thanks for stopping by.
It is work and a commitment that is well worth it.
I totally agree it’s well worth the work and effort that needs to go into keeping a marriage alive.
This is so true. Great marriages do live up to their vows and then some 🙂
In order to survive in marriage for the long haul we definitely have to live up to our vows.
I’ll be married 10 yrs next May 🙂 And we’re still happy~
Jenny,
Congrats. That’s a true testament to how much work you’ve put into your marriage. 🙂
Looks like marriage is the topic this week. Great tips.
It definitely seems like marriage tips are all over the place for sure today.
Thanks for stopping by my blog, Pouring Down Like Rain. I love yours, especially this post. My husband has loved me through some pretty difficult times during my chronic illness. You do need communication and commitment in marriage. And God. Blessings to you.
Kim
I’m so glad to hear that your husband loved you through your chronic illnesses. It’s such a blessing to hear that. So many people walk away when times get hard. I’m glad you stopped by today and commented.
I agree that communication is important. Hubby and I talk about everything. We don’t make decisions together though. With most things concerning the direction of our family, finances and things like that he makes those decisions. I make some minor decisions around the house. Mostly things pertaining to our home and some child rearing things but nothing major. But we still talk about everything. I love how we know how each other would react to certain things and we can finish each others sentences sometimes. Thanks for sharing with us on Mommy Monday 🙂 xoxo
Brittnei,
Like you, Del has final say over all things major in our home as well. I do control a lot of the child rearing issues too, but he still has final say regardless. I feel that’s the way it’s suppose to be done, and many people around me don’t understand how I can live like that. However, it is my belief that the man should be the head of the home and have final say.
Now mind you, Del respects me and values my input enough to get my opinion. If he’s doing something that is harming our family, (i.e. working way too many hours than what is healthy for him) then will step in and make it very well known that I’m not supporting it. Luckily, he’s man enough to listen to my concerns and feedback, and take heed to it. He doesn’t always change his actions, but he does LISTEN to me. I can honestly say he has ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS done everything within his power to make me happy and feel like a queen.
I imagine your husband must do the same for you to feel the same way that I do about having the man as the head of the household. Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting!
Great post, Crystal! I won’t go through the sordid details but my wife and I have been married 15 years and the first half was great but we weren’t living the way you said. Then things got bad and thankfully we came out the other side stronger than ever. Nowadays we truly listen to each other and hear what each other’s saying. We respect each other more and both love helping each other continue on this rollercoaster of a journey called life (and parenting!) together.
Andrew,
That is such a blessing to hear that you and your wife are stronger than you were. Del and I have conquered many things in the past 20 plus years together (including, but definitely not limited to, us both marrying two other people and having kids in those marriages because I was too stupid to marry him the first time, death of my mother, me being bedridden twice, and me being unfaithful to him in the past.) I would honestly say that our relationship is a lot stronger today that it was years ago!
So glad to see you stopped by and commented. I greatly appreciate it!
I think it really depends on the dynamics of the family and what is going on. There are decisions that hubby makes, because I don’t care one way or the other, or he has more expertise in the area. There are ones that I make, because they affect me more (for example, he’s going to work every day, while I’m the one who needs to decide if I can shoehorn xyz in to the daily running) or where that’s what I know what’s going on best. Communication, yes, but if marriage is supposed to be about being helpmeets to one another, you have to help with what you are good at to raise each other/balance the relationship, not constantly defer because of gender.
I do agree with you that we do have to make decisions based on what our area of expertise is within the family realm. I make plenty of decisions on my own concerning our family. I’m referring to big money spending projects and things along those lines.
I’m glad that you and your husband have a system that works for you. Ultimately, that’s what matters the most. Thank you for stopping by and commenting.
I love finding other blogs that have such a positive message about marriage – thanks, Crystal!
Shel,
I feel the same way when I read other marriage blogs. It helps me to remember why my husband is so special. Especially when times are hard for us.
I do lack in communication although I have got better over the past 10 years 🙂
Crystal,
You are so not alone with lacking in communication. I lack in the listening department, and trying to find the right words that I’m trying to say. It’s a good thing Del has known me as long as he has otherwise, we’d be fighting all the time. I say things and mean totally different things, and he knows it so he changes my wording and asks me if that’s what I meant.
Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting.