Okay, this post may step on many people’s toes, and if it does I’m truly sorry. I’m not usually one to try to purposely step on toes. I do tend to do it without meaning to quite often though.
My five year old and I just had a pretty interesting conversation.
Me: “I just lost one of my rings.” Mind you I have three rings on my hands all together. My wedding band set that I just got on my left hand. My family ring and the double heart ring that Del got me this past Christmas and Valentine’s Day.
My son: “If you lose your rings, that means you won’t be married anymore.”
Me: “No, I’ll still be married to Daddy. A ring doesn’t make us married. In two months from today we will be married for five years.”
My son: “What makes you married??”
Me: “We made a vow in front of God, the judge, and many other special people that we wanted to be together forever. We also signed a marriage license binding us together through the law.”
My son: “Mommy, is it true that men can marry men?”
Me: I had to take a second to process the question my son just asked. When I was growing up, all my mom had to worry about was whether or not I was going to marry someone decent and in the same race bracket as us (Yes, my parents were very big on that topic, but I am NOT.) “Yes, men can marry men. Women can marry women, but it’s only allowed in certain states.”
My son: “Is it allowed in our state??”
My son: “Then I guess I have to move to another state because I plan on marrying a man.”
Me: I had to swallow hard on that one. “Why would you want to do that?”
My son:”Women are way cuter.”
Me: “Don’t you want to be married to someone cute?”
My son:”Women loves me Mommy.”
Me:”I think that is what you would want in someone who you’re going to spend the rest of your life with.”
My son:Starting laughing and acting silly then.
However, it got me to thinking really hard about the fact that marriage was always only legal between men and women the whole time I was growing up. Dating was plenty hard enough without adding into the mix that it is now legal for someone to marry someone of the same sex.
I know there’s no way in the world I’d disown any of my kids if they ended up being gay. I honestly do believe that people who are gay do have very strong relationships and a love that is just as true as my love for Del is.
My religious beliefs have stressed that same sex relations is a sin. I was definitely raised up to believe in that practice as well. Yet, I have dabbed into the bi-sexual lifestyle at times. I have not dabbed into it long because of my religious beliefs and the way I was raised. There leaves that question of would I have done it had I felt like I’d still have unconditional love from my Mom had I pursued those urges more?? I’ll never know because she is no longer living.
It’s a tough position to be a parent who has strong beliefs on certain things, but yet knowing you’re going to love your children regardless what route they choose to take with their hearts and souls.
This post is not bashing against gays or gay marriage. I do strongly believe that we all have the right to our own beliefs and religions. I’m not the one who is going to be judging you when the end of times comes. I will love and respect you regardless of your beliefs. As long as you treat me with respect and courtesy we’ll get along just fine.
How would you handle it if your child ended up being gay or even did something that goes against something you believe is so wrong because of how you were raised??
I’ve got plenty of time to see whether or not my kids will take the route of being gay or not. However, that conversation definitely was an eye opener that it very well may happen. My five year old loves to stir the pot and challenge us to see just how much we’re going to love him and accept him. However, he likes to know he has the right to make his own choices. He’s been that way since he was 2 years old. (He gets that trait honestly because both of his parents are the same way.)
Just thought I’d share that conversation, and see how you would have handled it?? What if he was 15 years old and came to you with that declaration?? Those are the things we have to look forward to in the years to come.