This is one story that caught my attention quickly. The story of Judas in the Bible made me really think hard. There was a man who everyone thought was a wonderful man in the community who hurt me big time in my life. He took advantage of me during one of my weakest points in my life. It was right after I watched my ex-step-father walk away scott free from court for what he did to me and another woman. He decided he wanted to jump on the bandwagon and use me sexually. Granted, I knew it was wrong, but after watching one man walk away scott free in the court system I felt trapped. It made me wonder what else he had done wrong in his life all the time. The day that I was free of him was the most amazing day of my life. However, it also shaked me up a good bit too.
It’s an odd feeling to go from living a life full of secrets and fears to a life of freedom and knowing that you can create a life that doesn’t have a single secret in it. I REFUSE to ever live a life where I have to worry about people finding out something negative about those around me or in my life!! That’s why I stress over and over, it is better to be who you are ALL THE TIME. I’m not perfect, and I NEVER will be. However, I don’t hide who I am anymore! I don’t relate to a whole lot of people because I have lived through so many things in my life. Since I’ve lived through a LOT, I tend to have experience dealing with so many common everyday issues. Unfortunately, I haven’t conquered the ability to keep my opinions/advice to myself overly well. I do try really hard to be a listener and make sure that everyone knows that I care about THEM. However, my comments come across as me only thinking about myself or turning everything to be about me. I don’t feel I have any close friendships in my life even though I long for it, but if God sees that I deserve that then I’ll gain it.My HUSBAND is my best friend!!! However, I do long to have a close girlfriend. I just don’t relate to a lot of girls and honestly fear stepping on their toes so much that it puts a damper on things. I can understand the way men think and feel because that’s who I spent most of my life with. The girls that were a part of my life were only there for a short period of time. However, I am happy with the life I have. I am blessed with lots of people in my life that I know would pray for me or be a shoulder if I truly needed it. However, I feel like I know so little about them (which is partly, if not, mostly my fault.)
I am who I am!! I am not perfect, but I do strive to be the best I can be. I honestly care about others and just don’t want to see them miss out on all that life truly has to offer. I do realize that every situation is different, but there are times that things are to alike to ignore.