Being in a relationship is not always smooth sailing as we’d all like it to be, and sometimes arguments just happen. There’s nothing you can do to avoid them completely, and, in some instances, they are inevitable.
While having an occasional disagreement with your partner is not unusual, the truth is that some words can cut pretty deep and leave you with wounds that are hard to heal. And if none of you does something to repair the damage, your relationship can weaken. You may also start feeling resentful toward each other or find yourself unable to move past what happened. This can quickly wear you and your partner down and turn spending time together into an awkward and tense experience.
Luckily, you can avoid going down this path by following simple tips to help you heal your relationship after a fight.
Take a Timeout
After an argument, it’s essential to spend some time separately. This doesn’t mean you should leave the house in the middle of the night. It should be enough if both of you go to separate rooms and have some space just for yourself.
Of course, going on a walk to clear your head can also be very beneficial, but it may not always be possible, so try to calm down on your own. This will give you time to process your feelings individually instead of picking up where you stopped the argument and took the anger and frustration on each other again.
For example, if your partner’s proposition to use a real feel dildo to spice up your sex life really ground your gears, take a moment to think it through. Ask yourself — why would they propose such a thing? Could this suggest they are unhappy with your current situation?
Once the strong emotions settle, you’ll also be able to look at the whole situation more logically and maybe even notice where things got wrong or which hurtful words were unnecessary.
Take as much time as you need. Some people may need just a few minutes, but for others, it might be better to spend the night alone. When you feel ready to talk again, approach your partner without judgment. Don’t call them out on the things they said in anger; stop them if they start to overanalyze your words. If it turns out that you’re both still emotional and unable to have a calm discussion, consider spending more time apart.
Hold Yourself Accountable
Admitting the guilt and taking the blame can seem counterintuitive to some people. Others may find it hard since they aren’t used to holding themselves accountable, especially when convinced that the argument wasn’t their fault. However, taking accountability is still essential, though you shouldn’t think you should immediately take the blame for the whole argument and everything that happened before and during the fight.
The main point of taking accountability for your words and actions is to recognize that, at the moment, you could’ve responded better or said something less hurtful. When angry, it’s easy to get carried away and only later realize that you could’ve handled the whole situation better.
Naturally, it’s essential that your partner also recognizes what they did wrong. However, if they get defensive or don’t want to admit that they’re also guilty to some degree, don’t force them to do so, and don’t get angry. Instead, give them more time to reflect on their actions. Remember that hostility is never an answer.
Join Forces to Find a Solution
Once you’re done cooling off, it’s time to find a way to resolve the conflict and ensure that in the future, it won’t return in the same form. It may not be easy to talk calmly about the things that happened, but you can’t move forward until you do. Sometimes it can help to write everything down with both of you contributing to the writing and then reading it aloud. This will help you articulate your thoughts and feelings better.
Another great way of resolving an argument is by finding a practical solution. If the argument was about chores, you could agree on how to organize them or even split the tasks right down the middle. You could sit down and create a budget together if you’re arguing about finances. What matters is that you come up with something that works for both of you.
Seek Outside Help
Sometimes it’s hard to see your partner’s point of view, especially if you feel that they are wrong and you’re right. You may have a lot of emotion, and it can be very hard to convince you otherwise. This can cause you to return to the same argument over and over again. If you are unsure how to handle the situation and need professional advice, consider seeking professional help.
Many counselors and therapists can assist you and your partner in sorting out your emotions and finding a way to smooth things. Remember that you may not be fully satisfied with the first counselor you go to. Don’t get discouraged, though. Usually, it takes a few tries to find someone who suits your needs and provides the right kind of support.
It is normal to experience disagreements in your relationship, and sometimes they can inevitably turn into arguments. But it’s important to remember that in many cases, it’s still possible to repair the damage and heal your relationship after a fight.
Taking a timeout and learning to hold yourself accountable can be incredibly helpful when trying to get to the root of the problem. You can also work with your partner to solve the issues that caused the argument. If you continue to fight over the same thing repeatedly, you can also seek help from a couples counselor or a therapist.
Remember that it takes time and effort to rebuild trust and strengthen your bond, but if you still love each other and want to work on your relationship, it’s definitely worth it.