I talk about bringing marriages together every week on here. There are many times I come across as having it all together in my own marriage, but I honestly don’t! I am a controlling witch with a B many times over in my house. I have a really hard time letting go of the reigns with my husband and my kids all the time.
I was watching The Fosters the other day and one of the characters stated, “I took it away from myself because I was always too insecure.” I can relate to that quote with great intensity. I don’t know if it has to do with me being the product of divorced parents, the abuse, or a combination of all of it. However, I have always managed to sabotage any relationship I’ve ever had in some way or another. Most of the time, I’ve had no intention of doing it.
I come across as being self-absorbed/self-centered. I manage to turn every conversation or situation to be about me in some form or fashion. I’m a control freak. I literally can’t seem to help myself despite my best efforts.
Even when I’m trying to be helpful and show my support for my husband’s business it comes across as me trying to take control of it. Which, after having him S.P.E.L.L. it out to me I can see why he felt that way, but at the time of my actions “controlling the situation” was the furthest thing from my mind.
I helped him get his website and other social media sites locked in with a good name that was as close to what he wanted as possible. I thought I was doing a really good thing. He felt like I was trying to dictate to him everything. After all, his shop isn’t completely up yet, and I’m already preparing for marketing. I made him feel like I was managing him and his business efforts. Boy did that knock me down, and it stung like all get out that he thought I was trying to do that to him. The wood working business is his baby, just like the blog is mine.
He does a lot of behind the scenes things to help me with the blog. Trust me when I say, it’s a lot of help. He gives many suggestions and there are many blog posts that we’ve written together. Nothing has ever gone live on this blog without his consent or knowledge concerning topics about our family. It will forever remain that way. However, I was trying to do the same for him with his business.
So, granted I talk about having a lot of great suggestions for marriage. I do have them, but I’m not perfect by any means! I fail my husband often times, but we do always work it out. The key reason why we do and can is because we confident in knowing that neither one of us is ever going to leave the other (even if we do get mad enough to say we will or we have even taken our rings off a time or two through the years.)
However, when we do make up, we make up completely. I can remember when we were teenagers we’d have big fights just to get the amazing make-up sex. I think Del gets that itch from time to time and does it even now. Make-up sex is a whole another blog post in and of itself. (Yes, I will always be more comfortable talking about sex in marriage because it is my favorite topic, and one I feel that needs to be talked about a lot because it’s one of the biggest reasons why couples break up or at the very least have distance in their relationship.)
What is one area you struggle with in your marriage?