I guess I’m sticking with the abuse topic for most of this month primarily because it’s Domestic Abuse Awareness month. (Plus right now I’m reviewing a book about a girl’s story to being sexually abused.) So, I guess it’s weighing heavily on my mind lately due to all of those reasons.
I can remember my first official coming out of my sexual abuse history. I was in science class in 6th grade and they started sex education. The teacher talked about sexual abuse situations, and I broke down and cried in class. My teacher noticed me and made me stay after class. I can’t tell you how embarrassing that was for me. I had already been called a snob, slut, hora, and everything else under the sun because I lived being mad at the world because of what I had to endure.
Needless to say my mom was called in about it. She reacted quite nicely to it, and she was very supportive about the whole ordeal. We decided shortly after that to take him to court. She didn’t bring it up much after court, but she took blame for a lot of it happening all the way up to her death bed. I didn’t blame her in my mind, but my actions may have led her to believe that I did because I could never get close to her. However, it wasn’t her that I had an issue with.
My mom wrote to the Supreme Court so many times that they literally sent her a letter back saying there was nothing they could do and that she needed to stop writing to them. I didn’t find that out until she passed away, but she didn’t give up for MANY years trying to gain justice for what was done to me. I wish she had told me about her efforts. However, maybe she didn’t tell me because she kept getting turned down. Plus she knows I still held A LOT of anger inside towards my abuser. I swore for many years that if I ever came across him; I’d probably attempt to kill him or die trying. I literally couldn’t even stand to hear his name or anyone who has the same first name mentioned for over half my life.
My Dad never really talked to me about it at all. I don’t honestly know how he truly felt about the whole ordeal since he was living in Ohio through it all. He never talked to me about it. It was like it was a topic he couldn’t handle talking about. I know he loves me. I imagine he felt a wide mixture of emotions.
I personally have no clue how I’d react if I found out someone did this to my child. I would probably go into a certifiable insanity state of mind. I do honestly feel sorry for the person who was dumb enough to hurt my kids. I would probably take out my anger from my situation along with the pain my child will feel for the rest of my life out on them, and that definitely would not make for a pretty picture. However, I will say that God has given me a lot of peace over the situation, and shown me the power that forgiveness does truly give ME. That doesn’t mean that I’d stand for it happening to my kids though!! I would definitely seek justice!! My method for doing that would all honestly depend on the courts and what they do/don’t do. That’s just me being honest!
However, having my mom’s support was priceless. She made sure I knew it wasn’t my fault. Knowing that I could talk to her if I wanted definitely helped me be able to talk about it freely. I’m not saying that talking about it is easy, but I am saying that I know it helps knowing that your not alone through the nightmares that haunt you daily. It is nice knowing that someone else can understand what your struggling with. My poor husband goes through hell daily with me because of what was done to me, but he knows I don’t mean to cause him grief. We may have a good sex life, but we have that ONLY because I married a patient man who LOVES me COMPLETELY!!!
So, if you have been abused…please know you are NOT alone. If you ever want someone to vent with concerning it who WON’T judge you…feel free to email me directly. If you want some resources to help you along the way, I can stear you in that direction as well. I’ve read MANY self-help books on the issue.