Del and I have been together for many years now. Through those years, we’ve played the yo-yo game a lot. We’ve even gone so far as to marry other people and end up right back where we started. If I had learned the value lesson that “the better comes after the worse” earlier in my life, then I would have saved us a lot of heartaches.
The good news is though that I did learn this lesson in 2006. I endured a major car accident that crushed my right ankle and middle left finger. As a result, I became quite helpless in many ways. The doctor informed me I’d never be able to walk again. God richly blessed me with the ability to walk again. (I do still miss running with a passion, but I doubt that I’ll ever see that day again.) During the rehab of my accident, I realized I was living my life totally against what I wanted it to be. I didn’t wish to live a loveless life. I missed Del with every ounce of my being.
When Del and I did finally officially get back together, he put me through the ringer. He challenged my loyalty to our relationship every ounce of the way. He tried to toss me to the curb a thousand and one times because he believed that I was simply going to leave him again like I had always done in the past to him. My in-laws kept telling me, “show him wrong, and stick it out. It will get better once the worse is over.”
I read the quote “More marriages might survive if they partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse,” by Doug Larson the other day. It reminded me of how much Del and I overcame together. If I had walked away AGAIN when he was challenging my loyalty during that first year, we were back together this time; I would not have been able to have experienced the past six years of marital bliss with him.
Ever since I’ve said, “I do,” he has tried his utter best to be a good husband. He has made mistakes, but gosh knows I have too. We’ve had to work through some kinks concerning communication and intimacy issues, but in the grand scheme of things we have a healthy loving marriage.
Many people warn couples that the first year of marriage is the hardest, and it truly is! It’s your year of adjusting and learning how to live together. Even if you’ve lived together prior to marriage, once you say “I do” things do change. The reality sets in that it’s for life and permanent. You have to figure out a way to make it work. I’ve seen far too many couples give up on their marriages during the first year.
For the record, you will hit many rough patches in your marriage. From sickness, financial struggles, to dealing with juggling many aspects of life and so many other things, but in the end there is a silver lining.
When I think about my marriage with Del, I’m always reminded of my lullaby, The Rose by Conway Twitty, my Mom use to play for me when I was growing up on her organ. It describes my love for Del almost to a T. I was always afraid of loving him completely. Now I’m so utterly thankful that the seed of our love survived the winter storm.
Have you gone through the worse to enjoy the better moments in life with your spouse?
13 comments on “The Better Comes After the Worse”
Very true Crystal. After 39 years of marriage, I can attest to the hard work on both parts to make it work but when you have true love, anything is possible. I’m glad you and Del were able to make true love win! I know one thing for sure, me and my hubby will be together until the end of time!
It’s so nice to hear that about you and your husband. It is so nice to hear that a couple has remained married as long as you all have in a world where divorce is all around. Thank you for sharing your experience.
It is so true that the first years are hard to navigate and get your water wings. Somehow newly married couples should be armed with this knowledge before they start.
You’re so right. I wish many newly weds would know that their marriage may not be all they had hoped it would be, but it can still be magically wonderful. I hope these posts like this help newlyweds to hang in there during the rocky years.
So true! My husband and I are going on 10 years together, and we definitely have had some hard times. We still do but it has gotten so much better! Thanks for this great post!
I’m glad that you agree. Congrats on making it 10 years. I hope that you both continue to work through your issues.
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Thanks for his very open and honest post and thank you for linking up at Good Morning Mondays. My husband and I have been married for 26 years and the first years were really tough, combine our newness together with an interfering mother in law and it could have been a recipe for disaster. We toughed it out and my husband realised he had to put our marriage first over his mothers wishes and since that time, we have come together and continued as one. I am so blessed to have him for my husband, he is great, but had we not had Christ at the centre it could have been a whole different story. Thank you for being so honest so that you can help others. Blessings
It’s nice to hear your experience. I’m glad to hear that you both have grown through your marriage and are still together today.
The mother-in-law issue is one I completely understand! Mine lives 200 ft away and there are times when it becomes an issue. However to Del and her credit, they have both backed down when I’ve voiced my opinion. Of course, that has meant that we go through a couple days of avoiding each other, but it always works out. I do have really good in-laws.
You’re right that having God in the center of it all makes a big difference.
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Thanks for this encouragement. We’ve been married almost 18 years and are coming out of a rough time. We’ve seen glimpses of regained beauty but it is so difficult at times. I have found myself pressing into our Heavenly Father like no other time in my life. Whenever I am tempted to think negative thoughts I begin praying and just giving it over to the Lord instead. What is the most difficult is picking up honest communication again. It feels easier to just gloss over everything because it is just so hard, but then we end up back in a vicious circle. BUT God is so good to bring us back gently and carefully. Without Him, we’d be lost! And, yes, I wish we’d had counseling in that first year of marriage! We know so little of how to properly communicate and then the foundations are set! BUT God is good… He will work with yielded hearts, praise be to His glory!
Thank you for sharing your story with us. Communication is one of the hardest things to overcome in a marriage at times. by Gary Chapman may be a book that may help with you finding a way to communicate more effectively.
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So true! Any couple that has been together for a long time (27 years for us of dating and marriage) will tell you there have been trying times of all varieties. We just made the choice to stick it out and help each other through the bad days. #HomeMattersParty
Amen to that!! I’ve been married to my husband for 15 years and we’ve known each other for about 23. Living through the bad not only lets you have the better, but ends up teaching you how not to deal with the worse in that again. God does things for a reason, it’s just up to us to follow through! 🙂 #HomeMattersParty
I’m glad that you shared your own personal marriage success with us. Congrats on being married for 15 years. It’s amazing how time just goes by so quickly the longer you’re married.
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