An Age Old Marriage Question Addressed

Being married to a work alcoholic is never easy to deal with when you’re the stay-at-home parent. I am finding out just how harsh of  a life it is dealing with these kids by myself all the time. I would love to take advantage of the fact that my in-laws want more time with the kids, but every time I do that the kids are THREE TIMES HARDER to deal with. So, I refrain from doing it.

I know my husband hates being gone these long hours as much as I hate him being gone from us! So, this post is NOT to cut down my husband’s actions any way shape or form. My husband would NEVER in a million years put anything ahead of being with me and the kids if there is anyway he can avoid it. I honestly feel for him and the amount of time he’s had to work away from home lately. When he has been home, bless his heart he’s been working around the house just as much. So, I don’t recall the last day he’s had completely OFF to relax. (Yes, he had my birthday off, but bless his heart he decided to take me on a date. Which meant hours of driving and entertainment, which we both enjoyed, but that also meant he didn’t get to sit back and RELAX.)

Like many men, my husband is working diligently to provide for his family.

So that I CAN have the luxury of being the stay-at-home mom and wife. Unfortunately, that takes him away from us. He started off being all manly and keep his feelings on the subject to himself, and in turn, I was taking it as he was enjoying being away from us so much. I thought he was enjoying not having to deal with the kids and do as much around here anymore. Then I got upset over how many extra hours he was taking on. (I kept getting the phone call, “I’ve got to work late.”)

Needless to say, after one to many of those types of phone calls… I hit the fan.

Believe it or not, I honestly wasn’t concerned about another woman. I was concerned about him becoming “MARRIED TO HIS JOB.” I honestly started to wonder, what is worse: him being with another woman on the side or him being married to his job.

If he was with another woman, I could figure out what she is offering that I wasn’t. Chances would be high that I could give him what it is he’s trying to get from her. My husband and I both have had many relationships in the past, but our hearts have always belonged to each other. I don’t see any woman ever getting his heart now that he’s married to me. So at best, she’d get a few quickies, but nothing MORE! I have full access to everything else. She definitely wouldn’t get much from him. Even with the best of lovers, quickies don’t make much difference after a while. Him cheating on me was VERY QUICKLY ruled out! (Besides despite the hectic crazy schedule, our sex life is surviving! It may not be as grand as I would like, but it will come back in all due time.)

How do I compete against his being a work alcoholic? I can’t! I know what it feels like to be wrapped up in trying to make a store just right. I know what it feels like to have that next important step right in front of you, and know you can fix it with just a little bit more time. I know what it’s like dealing with a short-staffed business!

I also know in his mind he’s thinking about supporting his family! He is contributing to meeting our needs and wants. He feels like this is his best chance to make us happy! Trust me when I say, no man who loves his wife and kids wants to be away from them anymore than he has to be!

I wasn’t able to see my husband’s point of view until I put myself back in the shoes that I use to wear as the die-hard manager trying to fix my store. I literally begged my husband to take me back to my old unit to eat, and immediately, I saw a hundred things I wanted to change. Those hundred things would have meant hours upon hours of me being away from my family. I WOULD HAVE done it to provide for our families needs.

Here’s the kicker as the stay-at-home parent…. I’m going through adult interaction withdrawal from the adult I WANT to have it with the most! Right now I don’t feel like I can plan anything because I never know when he’s going to be home. I feel like my life is in constant limbo state. I can’t stand living like that!!

I also feel trapped because we don’t have another vehicle YET. I am not use to being at home all the time! I’ve been spoiled for the past five years, if I wanted to take the kids somewhere all I had to do was ask. We’d find a way to make it happen. Now, I don’t have that luxury anymore. It’s not because Del wouldn’t give me the chance to take him to work and pick him up because he would in a heartbeat. It’s the fact that I know the cost involved in us doing that is far more costly than I want to spend on us being able to take off for the day. My in-laws would loan me their vehicle in a heartbeat too, but I don’t feel comfortable using their vehicle unless I need to use it.

I feel like I’m living in a catch 22 situation. I honestly believe Del feels the same way. He feels like he’s doing what he must to make me and the kids happy by working to provide for our financial needs. Yet, he longs to be home with us and we long to have him here too. I feel like life is in constant limbo. One minute I want to yell that he is missing out on to much of his family’s lives by working so much, but in the next minute I remember WHY he’s doing what he’s doing. I become totally filled with gratitude for all he’s doing. My heart breaks for him and all he’s missing out on. I also feel for how tired he has to be!

I know I’m not alone with all of these thoughts. I know other stay-at-home parents feel this way!!

What is your thoughts on this matter??


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I'm Crystal. I'm married to Dale, and mother to Johnny.Some might say that my life is perfect because I get to do all the cliché wife things like cooking, cleaning, and decorating - but there's more! I also have many hobbies including needlework (crochet), sewing, and reading. My son's education is important, so we homeschool him together.

8 comments on “An Age Old Marriage Question Addressed”

  1. It is tough being a stay at home mom. SO much is riding on your shoulders while you are trying to keep up with the house, kids, taking the kids back and forth to their events, and everything else.

    My husband works to provide for our family as well. I am currently at home and unemployed because of medical issues that make it hard to work a normal job. I spend my time writing trying to earn a small amount of money with my blog.

    I feel your pain some days but in the end it is a rewarding job.

    • Christy,

      I’m so glad that you can feel my pain. At least it lets me know I’m not alone on this crazy journey of emotions. I love my husband dearly and know he’s doing everything for the sake of our family. It is so hard to stay positive when I literally feel like I’m going insane. 😉

      Your right though, it is a rewarding position to be able to be home with the kids and be able to know I’m helping to shape who they are becoming.

  2. This is really a tough position to be in for you and your husband, Crystal. I hope that you can find a way to deal with these challenges. I’ll certainly pray for you on this. Thanks so much for joining Wedded Wed. I think it’s your first time, so welcome, my friend!

    • Thank you Beth for taking the time to come by and see my post. I had to vent. My husband is doing the best he can, but it’s tough to be in this position for all involved. I hope to have a better marriage post come next Wednesday.

  3. I hear you.. it’s really tough but seriously, having an affair with a woman or dealing with a workaholic husband both can be very hard! My husband is not one of those, but I could only imagine the heartaches and pains of wives suffering from this. Being a stay at home mom can be very tough – you have to be Mom and Dad most of the time to your children and you take on way more of the parenting burden, cleaning and cooking and day to day household tasks. Maybe find someone to watch your kids and ask your hubby to take some time OFF from work so you and your hubby can spent time together 🙂

    Visiting you from Happy Wives Club Link Up!

    • My in-laws get my boys every weekend, but Zeva isn’t old enough yet for them to take her on anymore than they have to. She is the one who drives me nuts the most with all her fussiness and demanding self. As far as my husband’s work schedule, he’s trying his best to get his store in order. Once he does, I know he’ll make time to be sure spend with us. As it is now, he’s made sure he’s been there for my birthday. He’s planning to be their for our kid’s birthday too. He does try his best to spend quality time with us when he’s home.

      It’s just frustrating dealing with all the DRAMA I have to deal with. Thank you so much for stopping by and letting me know that I’m not alone in this quest and feelings.

  4. That’s so tough, Crystal! The blessing is this is only for a season. We go through so many seasons in our lives and if we can look at them as being just that, it’ll help us get the most out of this season so we can move on to the next. Del sounds like a great guy who absolutely loves you and your children. You are blessed indeed.


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