My husband and I have been struggling with balancing the stresses that we’re dealing with (from money situations, adoption case, pregnancy risks, and also keeping up with our school work.) Like many couples, we haven’t been able to keep up with our sex life. (Now keep in mind, for most of this pregnancy, the doctors have been saying NO SEX is allowed.) For us, that’s a huge deal. We are both very sexually active with each other and we both have a past that could rock some boots with the things we’ve done.
However, what we have that many couples don’t take the time to gain in their relationships. We have an open communication to talk about how we’re feeling and how the lack of sex or even how the sexual experience with each other has been making us feel. We are able to express and freely tell each other what we need without fear of losing the other person or being judged. There have been times that my husband has told me how he’s felt about our sex life, and I’ve been extremely hurt emotionally by it. However, after I take time to digest what he’s really telling me, I’m glad he felt free enough to tell me how he felt. That way, he doesn’t have to resort to cheating on me or looking some where else to get what he needs.
After being with one partner for a period of time, there are only so many positions you can get into, there are only so many places you can go to spice things up, and things become dull and boring. However, that’s where the work comes into play and taking time to really show your partner that they matter takes precedence.
The little things in a marriage are what keep us close. However, sex was created as a means of not only creating new and wonderful lives. It was also created as a means of keeping you bonded with your spouse. Men are physical beings. Women need verbal reminders of how you feel or in some cases, gifts. (This is not the case for ALL people, but it is the case for the majority.) Men love visuals and women love to have things taken slowly and the build up of the moments. Men can take a quickie and be extremely happy by it. Whereas, for a woman to be satisfied, she needs the extra attention to detail. However, there has to be a balance for BOTH partners. If one isn’t happy, then chances are extremely high that someone is going to roam until they get what they want (even if what they wanted is right at home, but they can’t get their spouse to give it to them.)
So, the big question…HOW DO YOU KEEP THE SEX ALIVE IN A MARRIAGE??
I don’t know how many articles I have read on this subject. (Since I’m a former player, and since I have the history that I have these articles draw my attention every time.) However, these articles give great advice, but they don’t tell you the biggest key is learning how to talk to your spouse. Do you realize that talking about finances and sex are probably the two hardest topics a couple can have with each other?? There has to be a willingness to give and take. That’s why the bible says that love is selfless. You have to love someone more than you love yourself. When your involved in sex, are you only worried about pleasing yourself, or do you focus on your spouses needs?? If your not focusing on what it takes to please them, then I’m willing to bank your sex life is terrible and boring and mundane!! Everyone is different. Everyone has a fantasy that they would love to act out, but the trick is knowing which ones to act out and which ones will do more damage than good if acted out.
What have you done for your spouse lately?? Do you even know what they crave from you?? Is your spouse already cheating on you?? If so, can you honestly say that you have done everything you can to help keep that from happening?? (Mind you, some people do cheat without having a reason from their current partner!!! It can be an illness that they are fighting/dealing with on their own, and need help professionally to treat it.)
Sex starts outside the bedroom for women!! I can’t express that enough!! Women need to have the full blown experience of feeling cherished, loved, wanted, and appreciated. Then when they get in the bedroom, they need to feel like you desire all of them.
Do you seize every opportunity that your given to keep the sexual part of your marriage alive?? Do you have stolen moments together?? I had a stolen moment with my husband this morning, and let me tell you, it truly reminded me how important our sex life is for us. I love my husband with all my heart, but I have fallen short of keeping him sexually happy lately because life has just taken over. I’m just grateful that we were able to talk about it freely and rekindle our flame with each other before someone else came in and lit his flame (not to say he’d let them do it!!) However, I’m not willing to take that chance.
I challenge you today, if you are not having sex at least two times a week (I choose that number because that is the average normal healthy amount of times a couple has sex each week.) Then you need to start the talk with your spouse, find out what is missing. Has life gotten so stressful for each of you that you have let the sex life take a back seat?? (Sex is actually a great stress reliever!!) Is there a matter that you’ve let get under your skin that you can’t resolve?? Is there someone else, but yet, you have hope of saving your marriage?? (It CAN be done!!–If you want to hear more about that let me know!!) TALK to your spouse, NO ONE else can fix this issue but you two, and it takes two to make it work. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again until I’m blue in the face….TRUE LOVE WILL CONQUER ALL!! One of my friends use to tell me that, and I didn’t believe him, and it honestly made me mad to hear it. However, now that I’m truly happily married and with the one that I truly love with every ounce of my being, I can say, our love for each other has helped us conquer so many things!!!
Trust me, I know what it feels like to feel helpless and feel like it’s NEVER going to get resolved, and throwing in the towel. However, if I can leave you with nothing else, love is the best gift a person can ever have in their lives. It was a very long rocky road to get where I am in my marriage, but I praise God everyday that we are finally there. We are far from perfect, and we still will/do have issues, but I KNOW we’ll make it through. Truth be told, there are times when sex is really the glue that binds us at times. Sex is a VERY vital part of a marriage.