Is your marriage perfect? No?
You are not alone. Any situation where two people live together day in, day out for years has innumerable areas for potential disagreement or conflict.
Disagreements are normal and you can learn to accept that the two of you think differently about some topics. Conflict is what leads to marriage breakdown, and both partners need to work at resolving or accepting differences. That is the only way to prevent disagreements escalating into irreconcilable conflict.
Men are often remiss in the communication department. Women find it much easier to open up, at least to friends, but that isn’t the same as opening up to their husbands.
It takes two to communicate; one to talk and one to listen. And you both have to talk and listen in turns. If only one of you ever talks while the other person listens, that isn’t communication any more than listening to a radio show is communication.
Listening is harder than it sounds. It is much more than hearing and making semi-appropriate sounds at regular intervals.
Couples may find it difficult to make time to communicate, especially if there are children in the house. Let the grandparents mind the kids for the day and go to bed. Lying in bed helps many couples to communicate. It doesn’t need to lead to anything else, just lying there with no distractions helps you focus on the important discussions you need to have.
Put Her First
Love means putting your wife’s needs first for much of the time. (She puts your needs first, too.) That means putting her feelings ahead of your own in every part of your life together from deciding what to eat, to being extra understanding on bad hormone days.
One area where many couples struggle is in the bedroom. Would you like your intimate moments to last longer? Do you think she would? Ask her.
Would it help if you could last longer in bed? Would she be more satisfied, happier? Silly questions.
You can improve your staying power with just a few squirts of a de-sensitizing spray on your wedding tackle. You don’t even need to see a doctor because you can buy sprays like Promescent over the counter and online, though seeing a medical professional might ease your mind regarding the cause of any problems.
Mutual respect is the foundation stone of any relationship. You need to accept that each of you has the right to be an individual as well as half of a married couple.
You might be the closest couple you know, but without separate lives alongside your married life, your relationship runs the risk of becoming stale.
Be a Friend
Rare as is true love, true friendship is rarer.
A husband and wife should be friends as well as lovers.
The most stable marriages are based on friendship. Friends are there when times get tough. Friends are never possessive. True friends acknowledge one another’s imperfections and work around them.
Friendship originates and lives in the mind rather than being hormone-dependent. Friendship will outlast physical desire, which is why it is a better basis for a marriage than lust.
Be a Lover
Are you a lover as well as a husband and friend?
Do you kiss her, hold her hand, and hug her?
Do you tell her how deep your love is?
Being a good lover is about mental bonding as much as physical satisfaction. Make sure you are engaging your wife’s brain because that is her largest sexual organ and a good physical relationship starts with what’s happening up top.
Everyone needs a lover. Make sure you are your wife’s lover as well as her friend.
While you might laugh at the idea of self care for men, it is impossible to be a good lover without knowing yourself first. So take some time to get in touch with your own needs, wants and desires so you can communicate between with your partner too.
The Short Version
Worldwide divorce rates make grim reading: The divorce rate is falling, but is still high. The US CDC statistics for 2018 tell us that there were 782,038 divorces and 2,132,853 marriages in that year, giving a divorce/marriage rate of 36.6%.
A marriage takes work. Both partners need to work at communication and prioritizing the other’s needs over their own.
It is easy to slip into the habit of taking your partner for granted. Make sure you are engaging with her brain as well as her body. Always remember that your brains will continue to develop and become richer in connections even as your bodies become slacker. Every couple needs to make a conscious effort to engage to engage their minds more often.