I read a post on Facebook that made my head spin. The question that was addressed was “How long has it been since your husband has seen you naked?”
A thousand thoughts went through my mind on this one. On all accounts, I should technically still be a sexy young wife. However, after three bedridden pregnancies and a car accident that made me partially disabled for many years, and still not being able to do enjoy the physical activities I use to enjoy… my body is FAR from beautiful. I looked in the mirror last night in total horror!
I literally have a holey granny behind now! It is no longer firm and round and delightful to look at. My behind and my eyes have always been my favorite features on my body. My eyes still will turn heads when I’m happy, but that doesn’t happen nearly as often as it used to because I’m filled with lots of stress and concern as of late. My behind on the other hand…
Well…let’s just say, even though it’s currently firmer than it has been in years and even smaller than I’ve seen it in years, it flat out reminds me of a granny’s behind. (The ones I use to have to see in the nursing home I use to volunteer at.) It was horrifying to see it!!
Here I was naked as a jay bird with my husband for the first time in ages for several hours curled up with him. He sees me naked every day and we have sex often, but that was the first time I dared to look in the mirror in a long time. I know I’m losing weight, and I notice that my body has many different curves to it now as a result too. It looks totally utterly funky!
I looked at my husband, and asked him flat out how in the world could he find me sexy enough to want sex? I know if I was him, I’d be running for the hills and trying to turn off lights every time we have sex. Yet, he is the one who insists on keeping the lights on. He still pursues me like he did when we were teenagers. I still find him sexy as all get out and he doesn’t look much different now than he did twenty plus years ago (especially now that he’s lost the weight he gained from when I was pregnant with Zeva. Of course, I thought he looked good with weight on too!)
I’ve always heard that love creates blinders. He finds me attractive regardless how I look. He doesn’t see me in the same light that I see myself. He sees me as the woman he fell in love with. I can honestly say I can believe that because when I look at him I don’t see him as he is now. Shoot, I didn’t even notice my husband gained weight until he brought it to my attention.
Here’s the kicker, when I find myself sexy, it gets his engine going like crazy. As his wife, I owe it to him and myself to try to see myself through his eyes. Yes, I’m trying to be healthier and gain a more 34 year old friendly body, but my hormone imbalance prevents that from happening. He knows it. He sees me trying. He sees what I’ve done over the years to try to fix the issue.
He loves it when I strut my stuff like I have it. Even though, we both know I’ll never win another beauty contest as long as I live. My body will never be the same again. However, when I have enough confidence in my body image it leads to us having a better sex life. It leads to us being able to be free to physically shower each other with affection. Have spontaneous sex in some of the oddest positions and places.
I’ve wrote about what happens when wives don’t fulfill their husband’s sexual desires many times now. I don’t really feel I need to preach it again. Just remember if you won’t take care of him, there are plenty of women who will do it for you! I promise you, regardless how much your body has changed, if you are being yourself then your husband will still find YOU sexually desirable.
I don’t have a sexual behavior degree, although, I have considered going into that line of work many times over. However, what I do have under my belt is a lifetime of experience dealing with all types of men/guys on the issue of sex. I do have so many experiences I could share its unreal. I could tell you what many deep hearted discussions I’ve had with men, couples, and even other women has taught me. The topic of sex has always held a lot of interest to me. That may have a lot to do with the fact that my sexual abuse has drastically shaped my life in so many ways.
If you’re hiding in the dark from you husband…please don’t for your sake as well as his. You’re costing your relationship far more than you may realize. My email is always open if you want an outsider’s point of view or feedback. If you need ideas or resources to help you get your sexy groove back in your relationship, I have a bunch of them!
Honestly, I’m not sure how else to end this blog post, but to say that there is help if you are wanting to hide in the dark from your husband.
Do you have anything to add to this?
156 comments on “Holey Granny Behind”
This gave me a lot to think about. Honestly I think I am looking awful after three kids but my husband always tells me I am beautiful. Maybe I need to start believing him.
You definitely should. His opinion of you is really the only one that matters since he’s the one that has to have the flame of fire for you.
This is a struggle for me, too. I’ve lost a good amount of weight in the past year, and things are floppy and droopy in strange places. I just have to remind myself that the man who loved me when I was much heavier loves me just as much now, and he even thinks my “floppy bits” are sexy because they remind him how hard I worked and how far I’ve come. I might have to do a little strut for him tonight… 😉
🙂 Strut it woman. Anyone who loses weight of any amount deserves a lot of respect because losing weight is really hard to do period whether it’s 1 pound or 100.
My hubby has blinders on too. You are right though, I owe it to myself to be more comfortable in my own skin and I owe it to him to feel as sexy as he thinks I am!
You will be amazed how much of a difference it will make for your relationship. It will radiate off you in more ways than just your sexual relationship.
My husband would be thrilled if he knew I was reading this. Thanks for the motivation.
You’re welcome. Especially if you feel your husband will be thrilled by you reading this. That should tell you how important it is for both of you. 😉
This is great and so true! Needs to be shared! Thank you:)
Thank you so much for your support and for agreeing with it.
I’m having a hard time with this myself. I’ve gained 24 lbs with this pregnancy and it’s making me even more self conscious than normal 🙁
24 lbs that’s it??? I gained over 100 pounds with my first one..60 plus with my second child, and then lost a whole bunch with Zeva, but had it all bubble back on not even six months after she was born. I haven’t seen the 100’s since 2000. I’d love to be able to at least get back into the 100’s, but no matter what I do it never comes close to happening.
I gained around 60 with #1, but only 5-8 lbs with each kid for 2 & 3. So I was under my prepregnancy weight when they were born (I gained during breastfeeding!)
See you’re still beating the weight gain from baby one. You’re still going to be one sexy Momma in your husband’s eyes. 🙂
It is true – – when we feel confident & sexy, our husbands see us that way.
They are reminded of our younger sexier selves when we were confident and filled with nothing but love for them. I’ve always heard a woman in love is the best looking woman alive.
I love your humor and honesty in this post!
I’ve never had anyone refer to me as having a humorous side. I feel like I reached a major milestone because I have always wanted to have that trait even for a second. So thank you. It’s definitely filled with honesty.
You know, this is a wonderful post — I truly need to take it to heart as I get so down on myself and body and always think how it will be better when I “look” better but what the heck am I waiting for! Thanks for the wake-up call 🙂
You’re welcome. Trust me when I say I do struggle with this concept too. I literally wanted to run and put clothes back on and call my “hot date” off last night. However, Del reassured me enough to get over that hump.
I have had 6 kids and several abdominal surgeries. I gained a ton of weight due to health problems but I still let the hubby see me. Confidence in yourself is always sexy to men.
Sounds like you’ve been through a lot. Glad to know that you still have that confidence to let your husband see you. 🙂
What you are saying is so true. Husbands age as well as we do. I am 61, and my husband is 64, and we still find each other attractive. He still wants to sleep skin to skin, if you know what I mean.
Yes, you are so right that men age too. I know what you mean. 😉
Thank you for posting this. I’m sure it is something that a lot of women need to hear!
I didn’t realize how many until that Facebook post trigger memories of similar conversations with other women.
I find that I feel more sexy after I’ve been working out, and that definitely carries over into the bedroom. I have been heavier too, but my husband always makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. He’s definitely a keeper 🙂
You are so right. I’m the same way. My husband use to send me to the Y just for that reason alone. 🙂
While I do not want to learn everything from men, I do wish as women we could look at ourselves the way our husbands do. We are so hard on ourselves and yet they think we are absolutely beautiful
We are our worst critics that’s for sure. We really need to work on appreciating who we are.
If you think your behind is holey now, … wait till you get to be my age. It is a good thing my Hubs has blinders on, he might be scared if he didn’t.
I dread what my body is going to look like when I get older. I am just glad that I know my husband married me for who I am and not my looks.
Beautifully and honestly written, well done! I’m in a similar boat – having just tipped the scales at 14 stone (argh) Im a little unconfident, but getting there! 😀
I honestly am not overly comfortable being naked in front of my husband either. I try to be confident for him, but it doesn’t always work. (Hence why this post was written to start with. ;)) It’s hard when our bodies have changed so much, and it doesn’t want to come back to normal.
I think most of us have a flabby butt covered in celutlite these days and it IS shocking how men look past it, but they do say that confidence is sexy, so that must be it 🙂
Lol.. I am amazed by how many people have this issue, but yet the media would have us believe otherwise. I think seeing all of the beautiful women on TV intimidates me and makes me think my husband is surrounded by beautiful women all day long at his job. So I feel like I’m in competition. When he stresses that I’m not. So, I ‘fake until I make it’ on the whole confidence thing.
OK, when I saw the title of your post I was expecting you to talk about needing to replace some worn out granny panties. Imagine my shock when you weren’t talking about panties at all!!!
Yet one more reason I’m working so hard in physical therapy for my knee these days. Hubby and I have a certain “I can’t” that just won’t wait much longer. 🙂
I did think about that topic too, but it ended up going totally in this direction. Glad to hear that the itch is there despite your surgery issues.
Keeping the lights on is something we do for a reason… My husband tells me every day how sexy I am and his words make me actually feel that way! I got so lucky when I met him and count my blessings daily!
I’m glad your husband tells you how sexy he finds you. I’m glad it works and makes you feel comfortable enough to enjoy being with him in the light.
Interesting to read this – I’ve put on quite a bit of weight since me and my other half got together when we met I was able to do a lot but in the time we have been together my health has deteriorated but yet he still turns round and says I look beautiful it’s amazing what love can do. x
That’s great to hear. I hope your health issues get fixed soon. It’s never fun dealing with them.
My hubby always tells me how beautiful I am maybe I should listen more to him than myself
It is definitely beneficial when we do that. There’s so many benefits to us listening to their loving words of encouragement.
That is a lovely post. My husband always tell me I look good and I never believe him. Maybe I should
It definitely makes a huge difference in relationships when we trust our husband’s words. (I’m the pot calling the kettle black on this one.)
Great post! I really enjoyed reading this. My husband always tells me I look good and he means it. Hard to believe. It has been a long time since I have looked good but I don’t worry about it and my husband doesn’t either. Self-acceptance comes with aging. That is one of the good things.
I wish my self-acceptance would hurry up and take ahold. I desperately want to be able to always feel comfortable with my husband.
It is so nice that your husband loves you so much! My husband and I have been together for 5 years now and he still loves me the way I am (a Plus size woman)
That’s great that you husband loves you the way you are. It’s such a refreshing feeling.
I loved reading this. We are so critical of ourselves. I know that what I see in the mirror is far different than what my husband sees.
It definitely must be the case with most of us women.
What a great post. I think it is a really great post on body image.
I didn’t even think about that broad discussion on the topic, but you’re right. Thank you for the compliment.
I think I’m just not wired to ever really feel self-confident regardless of light or darkness. 🙁
Sometimes I feel the same way on this issues.
Guys love their girls to take care of their body and so do we girls too. But guys think differently than girls, they prefer lights on when making love. 🙂 For me, I still love my husband even though he gained weight. I have confidence in him that he can lose that, especially now that I have gained weight too so it will be more challenging but hey, we’re on this together.
We all should definitely strive to take care of our bodies. (I have been trying like crazy to get my body back in line, but it doesn’t want to work with me.) I hope that you and him have a successful fun journey on getting your bodies back in better shape.
Such a good point to remember – goes along with that whole idea of accepting a compliment. The more comfortable and confidant you are with what you’ve got, regardless of the shape and size of what you’ve got, and the more attractive it is to your man! I struggle to remember this too.
I’m glad that you agree. It’s definitely makes a huge difference.
I agree with you, it’s so important to keep those embers burning. My husband has always made me feel beautiful and desirable which is great.
That’s amazing that your husband makes you feel beautiful. That goes a long way!
I love this. My hubs sees me naked every night as well. I think if a man loves you he loves your body regardless of what you think of it. After my second child I weighed 220 and he still loved it. Luckily I lost 100 pounds so I am loving my body along with him.
That is such a true statement. A man will love you and your body regardless how it looks. A person will love all of you not just a part of you.
Congrats on the 100 pound loss. I wish I could lose something, but nothing is working.
Even at my age, 23, I still don’t like having sex with the lights on. After having a child and gaining weight, I defnitely don’t think I look the best, even though my husband says I look beautiful.
I think you need to give your husband some credit and trust his judgement. As long as he’s saying you’re beautiful then let him show how beautiful he really thinks you are freely with the lights on. 😉 (I know easier said than done.)
I lost 160 pounds after gastric bypass surgery, and even though I had a tummy tuck, the rest is well not so firm as you said. I say I have a shar pei butt LOL
Lol. Love the reference. Thanks for sharing your input.
My husband is the same way. He’s always after me like I was still a teenager.
Enjoy it. It’s definitely a great thing when our husbands want us.
I’ve gained a lot of weight and very self-conscious 🙁
I know this feeling all too well. We need to overcome this one.
I’m a healthy weight for my height, and I’ve got youth on my side, but it’s still tough to parade around in my birthday suit–I have these ridiculous ideas that my husband is comparing me to a Victoria’s Secret model. He’s not (I’ve asked him) and he says that they are too skinny anyway (score for those of us who are not 5’10” and 110 lbs!). Still, we’re pretty comfortable around one another–I’d like to know how people live with a spouse and DON’T see him or her naked on the regular. Do these people hide from one another while they shower?
lol… I’d like to know the same thing, but I didn’t dare ask for fear that I’ve have yet another long post spit out of me. Honey, if you have your healthy weight maintain it and keep it as long as you can.
Interesting topic but one that is absolutely valid. As women, we tend to convince ourselves of all sorts of negative facts, particularly about our bodies and our husbands perception of us. My husband and I are very open about everything. I was a big girl when he married me and I’m still a big girl. Of course both us of have lost weight and regained it. We are currently working on losing again. We have always been completely comfortable with one another. Extremely open communication is vital to a healthy marriage including the wonderful sexual part of marriage. I’m 55, so I can honestly tell you that it get better with age, it really does! We lose apprehensions.
I’m glad to hear that it gets better with age. I can see that happening because you learn that there are far more important things to appreciate and be concerned about. Glad you commented and gave us your experience and knowledge.
I think you hit it on the nail – being comfortable in your own skin is so important, and it’s not easy. I still feel pretty good about myself, but at 43 and after two kids, I know I don’t look as firm as I did when I was 21! So, I just remind myself that I exercise and eat well, and enjoy life, and THAT is what is important – not perfectly flat abs!
You’re so right that our own personal imagine and self-esteem will make a huge difference in our lives all around. If we strive to stay healthy then that can only improve our life.
Great topic. I’ve been in several stages of comfort with my own body and my husband has loved me through all of them. I’ve never considered the fact that not loving myself would affect our intimate relationship, but as you’ve pointed out- it’s obvious. Loved reading the other comments here as well!
It’s so true. If we’re with someone long enough we are going to go through many stages of body image it’s just a part of life. I have to agree the comments on here are pretty amazing too.
My husband is blind. I gained 40 pounds and had it on for a while before I looked at myself in the mirror. Egads. At 5′ that is a LOT of extra weight and I wasn’t light to start with… I have lost about 20 of it but age has caught up with me and making it harder to take it off. Thanks for reminding us that if we feel good about ourselves, it helps!
So true. It is harder to lose weight as we age, and I wish you success on those remaining 20 pounds.
I love your honesty. I think as women many of us struggle to accept our bodies! Thanks for sharing!
I totally agree with you that many woman can relate to this position and train of thought.
Great post! I think confidence is key – and a loving husband can make you feel confident.
A loving husband can make a woman feel total complete confidence is certainly an amazing fact. When a man showers his woman with love and devotion it tends to open up a whole bunch of doors.
Thank you so much for this post. Thank you for letting us know that even though we may feel like our bodies have turned to crap, that our husbands still love us and see us as wonderful beautiful women. Thank you so much for being so open about this subject. It really helps to read posts like this.
I’m glad that it helps you, Angie. I figured if it made a positive difference in my life then it may make a difference in someone else’s.
I think too often we as women buy into what television and Hollywood say a woman should look like. Sad too that it starts when we are just children.
I totally agree with you Tamara, that we as women do tend to focus to much on what society states we are expected to look like. Our kids definitely focus on that a lot too.
Yay! This post ROCKS. I will never forget when I was dating a guy that I was absolutely in love with, but still sometimes shy about my body around him. We had gone hot-tubbing and were in his car, and I had a towel covering my legs. He said, “Why are you covering your thighs?” I said, “Um, because they are jiggly..” He said, “No they aren’t! They are sexy!!!” I was like, WHAT?! Yes…well…come to find out, one of his favorite parts of my body were my inner thighs. Realizing that helped my self esteem improve 100%. We didn’t work out, but he definitely helped me realize that I’m beautiful and men find my body attractive, even though I have lots of curves! Men like that…not stick-thin thighs. Barf! You rock. I can’t wait to read more of your blog posts. I’m from Tennessee, so I can sense your southern sass ; )
I’m so glad you had that experience. I’ve ALWAYS had thunder thighs regardless how little I am. I can literally be 110 lbs and pure muscle and my thighs and butt are HUGE. So, it’s so refreshing to hear another woman can relate to that feeling. Yea, I do have a good bit of southern sass in me. 🙂
Great post… love who you are, and those around you will love you more…
There is so much truth in what you stated. Many of us forget that fact as we grow and change throughout our lives. (I know I have many times over.)
You seriously had me tearing up. I am in the middle of it right now. I have two toddlers, 10.5 months apart. I haven’t had my hormone levels checked since the second was born (I’m going in next week finally) and this is something I seriously struggle with. Thank you for sharing your feelings openly and reaching into another heart today!
I’m glad I was able to reach into your heart and make you realize you ARE NOT and I repeat NOT alone. I hope that they are able to get your hormones back in check in a timely manner (I’d love to receive an email @ [email protected] to get an update on how you’re doing. I struggled with MAJOR post postpartum depression after my first child (and had no clue that was what I was dealing with until my first husband left me, and by then all the damage had been done.)
I’m an email away if you ever want need a shoulder!
True beauty is on the inside. Thank God my husband is wise enough to see that. He lets me know all the time that he loves the person that I am. His appreciation of me gives me confidence and makes me feel beautiful inside & out – and as a result he sees me naked quite often. 😀
I love the smiley face. When a husband gets to see his wife naked a lot and explore her body, he’s one happy camper. (Of course, it takes a lot more to make for a happy marriage, but it’s a great foundation!) I’m so glad you have that wonderful connection with your man.
Crystal, cheers to you for writing on such a sensitive subject – that’s real bravery! But at the same time it is something we all struggle with – regardless of size, so thank you very much for sharing. I especially agree with the fact that my confidence in myself is a big turn on for my hubs – too bad that’s so hard to do. But, knowing that “love creates blinders” (I love that btw) can help me “fake it til I make it.” Somewhere in my youth I picked up the misconception that sex in marriage wouldn’t require any effort and the fact that it does tends to give my self-esteem a real hit – so it is very helpful (and timely) to read that I am not alone in my struggles.
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I’m glad that you came by this post in a timely manner. I don’t mind covering the sensitive topics one little bit. Glad that you were given an extra boast of confidence.
I must admit I was rather intrigued by the title of your post. But it fit. Wonderfully written and a great reminder that the man in our life needs to be reassured that he is loved and what better way then to share our most intimate self.
I’m glad the title caught your attention and that you felt it worked. I was actually unsure about the title, so your comment on it is quite refreshing.
Wonderful post! I firmly believe that a person who truly loves you for you will love you regardless what your body looks. If not, they’re worth our time! 🙂
So well stated!! Our looks do not make us who we are as people. It’s our personalities and the things we stand for.
It’s crazy how much someone’s way that they feel about themselves affects their intimacy with their loved one. Sometimes it is very easy to get too comfortable with someone when you’ve been with them for a long time, and I think confidence is one of those things that forces people to take notice. Even when I don’t always feel wonderful on the inside, I don’t let others know it. It’s really weird, but my husband always used to like it when we were out and about and other guys noticed me, because then he felt really lucky and all excited about the fact that he was with me. It is silly, but I still think it’s cute. So important to remember most of us notice things in ourselves that no one else even sees. Obviously your husband sees you the way that you need to see yourself, too!
It is really amazing that our self-esteem can such a huge impact on many areas of our lives. My husband does make me feel really good about myself.
Crystal, this is such a great post! Thanks so much for being so open and honest, that’s rare these days.
I’ve always been an open book. I’ve calmed down how blunt I am compared to what I was ages ago. However, if you ask me a question, I’m still shoot it straight to you. I’ve been through a lot and have learned a lot in life, but I still have plenty left to learn.
This is a great post and I can relate. Since having a baby, I haven’t felt the “same.” I really need to put those negative thoughts out of my head. My husband says it multiple times a day “I love you the way you are” and I need to appreciate that & listen to him. Thank you for the reminder!
You’re very welcome. I personally still struggle with this at times, but my husband is quick to help me get over this hump. Glad it was helpful to you.
Good advice. I like to remind myself when I don’t feel particularly attractive that my hubby is my biggest fan! Stopping by from Blogelina Commentathon.
I’m glad that you stopped by. I’m glad to hear that your husband is your biggest fan that’s such a great blessing.
Great post and great advice. Love the humour and the honesty. Thanks for sharing!!!
You’re welcome. I was honestly afraid to post this, but I’m very glad that God kicked me to do it.
Good points on how to keep the fire going in your marriage. Thanks for sharing!
You’re welcome. I’m glad you stopped by.
Excellent post! It can be hard to remind ourselves what makes us amazing and beautiful, especially when life, age, etc start to take it’s toll. I completely agree that working on staying confident and conveying that is the sexiest thing we have to offer. Confidence isn’t perfection. It’s accepting and loving our imperfections and celebrating them! I love the message in this post.
I love your definition of confidence. That’s such a great way to look at it. Thank you for providing your input.
Thank you for this–I’ve definitely been having some issues feeling sexy lately.
But, I know my husband loves me and loves when I initiate and act sexy–guess it’s time to do this.
Sounds like it is. 😉 We all go through our spells. There are just some of us who stay in those spells far longer than we should.
Thank God you married an amazing man who loves you enough to accept you for who you are despite your physical changes. He will continue to be attracted to you because he can see you from the inside out. So glad to hear the intimacy hasn’t stopped. That’s when the big issues start. Keep those lights on and give him all you’ve got…he really deserves your very best. Take care.
I do praise God everyday that I am with my husband. I feel truly blessed to be his wife.
I also have a husband who is not turned off by the changes in my body from age and 4 babies. The marriage relationship has just potential to be a beautiful thing.
I love that statement that “the marriage relationship has just potential to be a beautiful thing.” Can I turn that into a blog post? There is just so much to be said to expand on that one sentiment. I’m sure you could say a lot to it too yourself. Want to be a guest poster?
Of course you can turn that into a post but my life is a bit to full to guest post right now> Thanks for the offer though>
Ah Crystal…. I love your attitude! No, we don’t look as good as we used to but I believe the wisdom and experience of life is what makes women more beautiful than they were in their 20s!
I love that! Woman are definitely more beautiful when they grow and mature. I know I definitely have a greater affection for older women than I do for women in their 20’s. Men definitely love and cherish their grandma’s and their friends a lot.
I love this! It is true that if you don’t love on your husband someone else will! Thank you for this great reminder! 🙂
You’re welcome for the reminder. You just made me think of a country song, and I can’t remember what the name of it is right now. However, it’s about a woman who is waiting on you to love your husband because if you don’t she’s ready to do it.
Great post, Crystal! It’s so sweet how out husbands love us no matter what. Somehow they can see past our imperfections and still love us and want us the same. Thank you for sharing!
I think men are less superficial than we actually give them credit for. At least, that’s my impression as my husband and I grow up more.
I used to be so ashamed of my weight and my stretch marks from my pregnancies and my son said one day “you have tiger stripes cause tigers are tough mom” made sense to me and changed how i look at myself!
I love the tiger stripe comment. Kids are amazing aren’t they. And Mom’s are tough. I love what one blogger I follow aways says. She says you’re a Mom so you’re kind of a big deal.
That is so true. Sounds like a great blogger to follow for sure. Would you mind sharing her information with us? Glad you came by and commented.
I love this!! Kids have a way of making us feel better. They don’t love us based on looks, but rather for the love we give them. Thanks for sharing your story with us.
I’ve gained 40 lbs since my husband and I got married and he still thinks I’m “hot”. I think that when you love someone for who they are, the outside appearance doesn’t matter as much 🙂
You’re so right it doesn’t matter nearly as much as it did when before you get married.
I need to hear from him more often that he is attracted.
Only so I can act accordingly.
Your comment has been weighing on my mind since the day that you posted it. I feel like if I respond I may step on your toes, but I’ve always promised to be straight forward and honest. So, if I step on your toes (or anyone else’s for that matter with my response) please know that it is NEVER my intention to do it. However, all the posts I give concerning marriage and sex are from MY personal life experiences! My body has gone through many stages of looks throughout my lifetime and I’ve been with many men in all of those stages. So, I’m not talking out of my tail end with the feedback I give you. I’m talking from a woman who has been there done that. I did also ask my husband for his input on this topic too because he has ALWAYS and mean ALWAYS been considerate of my feelings and thoughts in all the years I’ve known him.
The whole reason I wrote this post was to make women like you who are looking, begging, seeking for their husband’s words of praise on their looks. Men are visual beings and they love to see a beautiful woman. However, my husband brought up a VERY honest to goodness point that ‘beauty is truly in the eyes of the beholder.’ As you’ve seen from the vast majority of the comments that have responded to this post, we all needed that reminder. (I’m just as guilty as the next person. I’m not the small petite turning heads beauty that I was when I first met my husband by ANY means.)
We as women need to be more confident in who we are as a person. As one of the lovely ladies stated, as we age our beauty is more evident because we learn that our true honest to goodness beauty comes from within us. When we’re confident and we feel sexy then others start to see it too!
When I feel terrible and down right sluggish it shows in every part of me, and I’ve noticed my husband doesn’t pursue me that much either. Yet, if I put on something that “I” feel makes me sexy (even if to the outside world shows my every big huge curve and may very well make them run for the hills) he’s all over me like bees are to honey. He’s seeing the woman he fell in love with come alive again.
My husband stated if you’re husband/man isn’t making you feel beautiful tell him about it in a NON threatening manner. Another words, rub your body up against him in a sexual manner and flat out ask him does he still find you desirable. Chances are he’s going to say yes in that moment to get some sexual pleasure. However, he’ll learn that you need that confirmation from him. Granted, it may feel like you’re making him do it until he ‘learns’, but over time you’ll see that he will see you as his gorgeous tiger.
I know this is a very long response, but I wanted you to know that you waiting on him to give you that reassurance and you holding back is really harming your relationship. Truth be told, if you aren’t telling your man what you need he’ll NEVER give it to you. Men are straight forward….shoot to him straight don’t expect him to be a mind reader. That also opens you open to putting yourself into temptations arms because if another man gives what you’re longing for then you’ll be ready to roam or at the very least tempted to and resent your man for it. Men have a stronger tendency to get comfortable with their partners and not do all the small things they did to woo you over because they get to wrapped up in ‘providing or protecting their family’s lifestyles.’
I hope this helps you and didn’t cause you to get upset with me. I’m sorry if I came across as preachy, but I’m very passionate about this topic only because I’ve seen the harm that can result if couples don’t work through this major issue.
Ok, this made me LAUGH, and it’s true my butt isn’t what it used to be, lol..what is the “holey” part??
I’m so glad it gave you a laugh. The holey part is the dimples all throughout. (They remind me of moon graters.) LOL
My husband likes seeing me naked and says I have a cute but.
I look a lot different that when I got married and it’s only been 7 years. I sometimes hesitate to turn on the lights, but my husband enjoys seeing me as much as he did 7 years ago.
What a great reminder to look at ourselves with no negative thoughts!
I love your openness! I think it’s true that husbands like naked — they aren’t nearly as judgmental of women’s bodies as women ourselves are!
What an honest and touching post! Great advice, because it is soooo true that when you are confident about yourself…it is a complete turn-on to your other half. I see it within my own life. Sometimes, I feel awkward if I’m bloated or too sluggish-feeling to be sexy…but he doesn’t care. It’s an amazing feeling to have that unconditional love.
My hubs is always telling me how good I look & I just cringe! LOL But I guess the phrase “love is in the eye of the beholder” is right.
I can honestly say I have never read a blog post like this, and I am glad that I did. It’s not something that you hear about all the time. I loved it and agree, you have to fulfill your husband or someone else will. I also believe that a man sees a woman’s heart before he sees her body (when they are married of course) and sees how much she loves him makes all the difference.
What a thoughtful post to put out there. Growing old together is not all about keeping a firm derriere, you’ve demonstrated that clearly in your post. 🙂
Such a wonderful post Crystal! Surely our husbands loves us even if we have flaws and all.
You’re so right they do love us regardless of our flaws. My husband has started picking at me for my flaws.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!
So true. So true!
Great post, its so true that your own self image can be a turn on to your spouse. When I try to exercise and eat better, my husband notices. When he’s happier and less stressed, he’s sexier to me. My body has definitely changed after birthing and nursing 3 boys and having rheumatoid arthritis but when I make that effort to be healthy, it is even more attractive to him and I feel better about myself. Thanks for sharing with #ThrowbackThursdaylinkup, I gotta dust off our stationery bike and log in some miles!
That’s good advice all around for sure. I’m sure lots of women and yes men too will hide in the dark. It’s a great confidence builder not to have to that’s for sure. You bring an important topic truly into the light!
I’m glad you agree. It’s very important that couples remain open like this. If they don’t it tends to lead to even bigger issues.
Thank you for stopping by and commenting.