I read a post on Facebook that made my head spin. The question that was addressed was “How long has it been since your husband has seen you naked?”
A thousand thoughts went through my mind on this one. On all accounts, I should technically still be a sexy young wife. However, after three bedridden pregnancies and a car accident that made me partially disabled for many years, and still not being able to do enjoy the physical activities I use to enjoy… my body is FAR from beautiful. I looked in the mirror last night in total horror!
I literally have a holey granny behind now! It is no longer firm and round and delightful to look at. My behind and my eyes have always been my favorite features on my body. My eyes still will turn heads when I’m happy, but that doesn’t happen nearly as often as it used to because I’m filled with lots of stress and concern as of late. My behind on the other hand…
Well…let’s just say, even though it’s currently firmer than it has been in years and even smaller than I’ve seen it in years, it flat out reminds me of a granny’s behind. (The ones I use to have to see in the nursing home I use to volunteer at.) It was horrifying to see it!!
Here I was naked as a jay bird with my husband for the first time in ages for several hours curled up with him. He sees me naked every day and we have sex often, but that was the first time I dared to look in the mirror in a long time. I know I’m losing weight, and I notice that my body has many different curves to it now as a result too. It looks totally utterly funky!
I looked at my husband, and asked him flat out how in the world could he find me sexy enough to want sex? I know if I was him, I’d be running for the hills and trying to turn off lights every time we have sex. Yet, he is the one who insists on keeping the lights on. He still pursues me like he did when we were teenagers. I still find him sexy as all get out and he doesn’t look much different now than he did twenty plus years ago (especially now that he’s lost the weight he gained from when I was pregnant with Zeva. Of course, I thought he looked good with weight on too!)
I’ve always heard that love creates blinders. He finds me attractive regardless how I look. He doesn’t see me in the same light that I see myself. He sees me as the woman he fell in love with. I can honestly say I can believe that because when I look at him I don’t see him as he is now. Shoot, I didn’t even notice my husband gained weight until he brought it to my attention.
Here’s the kicker, when I find myself sexy, it gets his engine going like crazy. As his wife, I owe it to him and myself to try to see myself through his eyes. Yes, I’m trying to be healthier and gain a more 34 year old friendly body, but my hormone imbalance prevents that from happening. He knows it. He sees me trying. He sees what I’ve done over the years to try to fix the issue.
He loves it when I strut my stuff like I have it. Even though, we both know I’ll never win another beauty contest as long as I live. My body will never be the same again. However, when I have enough confidence in my body image it leads to us having a better sex life. It leads to us being able to be free to physically shower each other with affection. Have spontaneous sex in some of the oddest positions and places.
I’ve wrote about what happens when wives don’t fulfill their husband’s sexual desires many times now. I don’t really feel I need to preach it again. Just remember if you won’t take care of him, there are plenty of women who will do it for you! I promise you, regardless how much your body has changed, if you are being yourself then your husband will still find YOU sexually desirable.
I don’t have a sexual behavior degree, although, I have considered going into that line of work many times over. However, what I do have under my belt is a lifetime of experience dealing with all types of men/guys on the issue of sex. I do have so many experiences I could share its unreal. I could tell you what many deep hearted discussions I’ve had with men, couples, and even other women has taught me. The topic of sex has always held a lot of interest to me. That may have a lot to do with the fact that my sexual abuse has drastically shaped my life in so many ways.
If you’re hiding in the dark from you husband…please don’t for your sake as well as his. You’re costing your relationship far more than you may realize. My email is always open if you want an outsider’s point of view or feedback. If you need ideas or resources to help you get your sexy groove back in your relationship, I have a bunch of them!
Honestly, I’m not sure how else to end this blog post, but to say that there is help if you are wanting to hide in the dark from your husband.
Do you have anything to add to this?