I don’t want to go into the details as of yet as to what he’s doing because I’m not 100% sure what he’s truly doing in my life right now. However, I can feel him working in our lives. He is making major changes for us, and I’m steadily trying to figure out what those changes are quite frankly. I’m literally feeling like I’m sitting on the fence waiting to be pushed in one direction or the other.
I can remember when I was a kid and was having to make some pretty hard decisions, I’d ride my horse for hours on end. If it was a really hard decision and I knew I couldn’t reach a decision before night fall, I’d go in the field behind my mom’s house where the owner would have HUGE hay bales rolled up, and I’d climb up on top of one of them and look at the stars and literally talk to God for hours (as close to time for my mom to get home as possible.) I considered that field my home more than my mom’s place. I told the owner that I wanted that field, and to this day I’d still love to own it because that’s where I always felt safe and happy. Honestly speaking if my mom’s house did sell, I wouldn’t miss the house one bit.
I would miss the surroundings of that place more than anything. Of course, I still have permission to go to that field and do with it as I wish until the day the owner of it dies. I have always picked on him and told him it was my field; he just owned the deed to the land. It’s amazing how we all seem to gain one special place that we go to “to think” things through or to “get away.” Some people don’t have a special place, but in the course of my life, I’ve always found one spot that I could literally escape the world if I wanted to and know that only those I wanted to find me could do it.
My mother-in-law laughs because she can’t get over how well my husband knows me. He literally knows my decisions before I make them quite often. He plays devil’s advocate with me all the time, and I love him for it because he helps me to see things from a different angle. He definitely helps keep me grounded especially since I do have a “dreamer” personality. I have always had the notion that if I dream the dreams, then I know where I want to go and I can work on making it happen when I am awake.
So even though, I’m sitting on the fence right now waiting to see what God really has in store for me and which direction he’s truly trying to push me in…I can feel him working in our lives. Please pray that I’m following his will and not my own will.
I can very much relate to this–I too feel like God is working in my life. I’m not exactly sure how or what, but I can tell I’m in the middle of a transformation–on the fence, like you said. Will be praying for both of us that we can be wholeheartedly pursuing His will during this time and not our own. Glad to “find” you!
I used to have a special place where I would sit and stare and wonder and think. It was out on a (very) narrow pier in the Barnegat Bay and it was only a few blocks from my house. I loved to go out there at night, even though the balancing act it took to get at the end was pretty treacherous in the dark. But it was a place I felt comfortable being alone, quiet except for the lapping waves. Sometimes I wish I still lived in NJ, so I could go back there when I needed to.
Thank you ladies for the visit and the comments. Meredith, I will be praying for you to gain the answers your seeking as well. 🙂