I feel like I’m myself the most when I’m riding of a horse. I’ve been told by many people that I come alive when I’m riding a horse. They claim that they see a totally different side of me. They see someone who is confident and sure of herself.
I have to agree with them that I do have plenty of confidence when I’m riding a horse. I know what I’m doing and can persuade the horse to do my bidding with very little effort. I feel like we are one unit working towards whatever goal we’re trying to achieve. I enjoy the exploring that I get to do while I’m riding. I love being a part of nature and my surroundings when I’m riding. Let’s not forget it’s the perfect time for my mind to dream those big dreams or solve the puzzles of my current life.
I also enjoy being around my husband. When he’s around me, I feel like I can relax because I know he’ll protect me from anyone hurting me. If someone does hurt me, he is quick to go to bat for me. He’s stood beside me more than once when my in-laws have crossed a line with me, and he was fully prepared to do whatever it took to make me happy in those instances. I know that he always has my best interest in mind even when I don’t have it for myself.
I also know that I’m free to be myself regardless of my mood when he’s around. I don’t have to carry the loads of life on my own. So, I’m free to relax and savor the moments of being with the kids and him. I also am free to write and express myself.
I at times also wonder who my true self really is because of my many mood swings that I deal with. It’s crazy when you have mood swings as regular as I have them. One day I feel like I’m nothing more than the wicked witch of the south. Then on other days I feel like I’m the wonderful family member and friend. Then there are days that I feel like I’m watching myself live out my actions as a bystander and not really even there. It’s so odd, but yet how my life is.
When are you completely free to be yourself?