Double Standard Marriage Issue

Have you been married long enough to notice an issue that many people don’t notice yet? As a man who has been married to his wife for over six years and has known her for over half my life, I can say this and get away with it. The other day I was writing my blog post about being 41 and over weight, and it reminded me of all the little snide remarks my wife gets away with saying that I would never dream of saying to her for fear of being chopped up into mincemeat.

Why is it that women can tell guys that we have a spare tire or a beer gut or we’re just getting fat? Yet, a guy cannot in anyway shape or form tell his wife, girlfriend, or any female friend in general that they “MIGHT” be “out of shape in anyway?”

To me, this part of a larger pattern that women and men have prolonged long enough. Women are entitled to equal rights as men. Therefore, in my humble male opinion, I think women should “fem up” and take the criticism that they so rightly dish out to guys. After all, we have feelings just as much as they do. We just don’t ‘show ours’ as much as they do.

It hurts me when I hear from my wife that I’ve put on weight or that my hair is turning gray. Yea, I know it’s a part of life just like when it happens to HER. However, I don’t say anything to her about it not only because I don’t want my head chewed off, but also because I don’t want to hurt her feelings. I have found out that many other men are in the same boat as me.

Women ask how something looks on them and I’m supposed to give them a polite and delicate answer instead of being bluntly honest like she sure is with me. There have been two outfits in all the years I’ve known my wife that I absolutely could not stand on her that I HAD to say something about it. However, overall I don’t voice my opinion one way or the other unless it’s an outfit that she puts on that just drives me nuts with passion then I forbid her to wear it out of the house. After all, I don’t want another man getting any ideas!

I know my wife doesn’t mean any harm by being truthful with me. I do feel though that there shouldn’t be any backlash when I do the same with her. Sometimes the truth hurts! Plain and simple. Growing old is not something that can be avoided, and as you age, it sure is hard to lose the weight that seems to come on overnight. If you’re going to give criticism doing it with gentle words regardless whether you’re talking to a man or a woman.

What are your thoughts on this issue? Is it happening in your home too? 




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Hi, I'm Dale. Some of the things I like to do are box, lift weights, and spend time with my beautiful wife Crystal. I also enjoy watching shows on Netflix or playing video games with my son when I can find some free time.

9 comments on “Double Standard Marriage Issue”

  1. I never mention to my husband if he puts on weight. Which he only ever puts on like 5-10 pounds in the winter. I don’t want him to say anything about my 20! 🙂 But, yes what you say is true. There is a double standard and I think we as women should try out best to treat everyone with the kindness we’d like to receive. Another great post, Del!

    • Thank you for the compliment. I try. I honestly didn’t think I’d ever gain weight like this because I tried in my younger years to do it to no avail. Now, I can’t get rid of the extra pounds.

    • Bernie,

      Marriage is a wonderful thing as long as both of you are determined to make it last a lifetime. There are rocky stages, but the good time make those stages well worth it.

  2. You’re right that there is a double standard and women should be more thoughtful, treating their husbands as they wish to be treated. But at the same time, in our society, a man who is a little heavy with gray hair can still be considered quite attractive whereas a woman with even a few extra pounds or showing any signs of age is judged much more harshly.

    • I agree that is the case. Yet, at the same time I think women are far more critical of themselves and others than men are. I think that is where society learned and was trained to be this way.

  3. I totally agree! I would never say it that way to my husband. I probably wouldn’t even bring it up unless he specifically asked me, and then I would say it a little more gently;)

  4. Women are sometimes delicate flowers. We just have to deal with it once in awhile. It’s also ok for them to be late, but men can’t.

  5. I actually rely on my husband’s honesty and call me out when my clothes accentuate muffin top, or my ‘butt looks big’ He doesn’t tell me I have gained weight, as I say that myself all too often.
    But I do agree, if you dish it out; expect it back.


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