Can you believe I’m having writers block? It’s not a case of not having something to say. It’s more a case of having to much to say and not being able to really say it without revealing way more than I should on here.
I’m in a bad place emotionally lately. I’m FINALLY having a “aunt-flow” visit for the first time in 9 months, and my body is definitely going through hell as a result. I am so emotional it’s unreal. I’m crying over every little thing and when the tears start they don’t want to stop. It’s like the flood gates have just opened wide and there isn’t a door large enough to stop them.
I’m going through the I need a break from Zeva stage again. Dealing with her 24/7 is very draining. Del gets her for a period of time, but I still HEAR her fussing. I still have to be “on call” to get her if she gets to the point that he can’t keep her because she wants me knowing I’m still within ear shot of her. I haven’t been able to get a whole lot done with her. I feel trapped by a baby. There are so many things I want to do in this house, but never have the time to do it.
There are things that I want to do for my own sanity and by the time I get the chance to do it my energy is GONE!! I have a husband and kids who try their darn-est to help with Zeva, but they can only do so much when she wants her Mommy. I wanted her with a passion and am glad we have her finally. BUT….I just can’t keep going with a baby around me ALL the time.
I don’t see how people do it all the time!!! My hat goes off to those of you who do it/have done it. I don’t see how you didn’t end up in a loony bin. Zeva is the first baby I’ve been with this much, and I’m so utterly glad she’s suppose to be my last. I’m rejoicing that I got my tubes tied right after her. There is NO WAY I could have endured another pregnancy, and if this is what it’s like to be with a baby 24/7 then I can see why someone would decide to have only ONE child. My mom told me I was a horrible baby, and I do declare none of my other kids were horrible as a baby.
Zeva is more than giving me a run for my money. I am counting down until she gets older. I’m not to sure it will get better, but I can hope right?? She’s worth all the trouble, but I created a monster by spoiling her rotten when she was younger.
Jimmy is a gem and a half with her. He prayed with Del and I for her, and he swore he would help with her. Trust me he has been a saint with her and he has been such a HUGE help with Zeva. He adores her and she adores him!! Their bond is extremely close.