I shared with you the other day that I am suffering with insecurity issues big time. Especially since Del started working again outside of the home. Del and I have been having a lot of late night talks concerning this issue…
Last night he told me something that has been playing over and over in my head. He told me that he’s seen me at my thinnest and when I considered myself to be at my sexiest stage in life, he’s seen me like I am now, and he’s seen me a lot bigger. Through all of those stages I have always remained the most beautiful person in the world to him. Yes, it made me feel wonderful to hear those words. I just started reading the book Mistress of My Fate by Hallie Rubenhold the other day for the book club that I’m a part of. One of the lines of quote that has struck me today as a matter of fact… was this quote… “Beauty is born out of the passion of love.” I have to admit that Del is still the most striking man to me as well. Yes, there are some actors who can remind me of Del in his younger years and they have the ability to strike a hormone within me. However, it’s not them that I want or long for in my mind, heart or body.
Del also expressed that we have an agreement that I will do anything he requests sexually. It’s been an agreement that we’ve had in place for several years now. It appears to be working for the most part. There are times when my physical aliments do get in the way or life in general. Those are the times when my insecurity reaches it’s all time high.
I’ve expressed all of that to tell you that The Good Wife series reminds me that men normally only cheat when they are not in love with their spouse and/or when they are not given the freedom to be the sexual beings that they long to be with their spouse. I know that first hand from being the victim of sexual abusers who have made it clear that they weren’t getting what they wanted elsewhere.
The wife I’ve noticed can’t resist the urge to find out as many details as she can about her husband’s affairs. The irony is that chances are high that if her marriage does survive through all of this (which I’m only on the second episode of season 1 so I don’t know what happens to their marriage) they will honestly have a stronger marriage than what they had before all of the affairs. If she took to heart what she learned about her husband’s desires.
I may be scared to death of Del having an affair on me, and in some ways, my insecurity is probably going to push him to have one before our marriage is over. However, the reality of it is that I would honestly die trying to give him any sexual desire he has than not ensure that I’m the one meeting his needs. He knows that, and clearly reminds me a thousand times that he has no REASON to go elsewhere.
This show reminds me that women do survive it. They do overcome it and find themselves as well. When you go through hard times you have to dig in deep within yourself to find your inner self to gain the strength you need to go on. I am hooked on this series already.
Netflix is becoming an addicting thing for me. 🙂 It’s dangerous when you can watch series from the beginning to the current one. At least it is for me. Now I can watch shows that have interested me that I couldn’t get to watch from the beginning so I avoided watching them because I didn’t want to feel like an outsider intruding on the season.
I am eager to see how her marriage turns out. I have a lot of faith when it comes to marriage and the power to survive the hard times. Maybe that’s because I’m with the love of my life and I know we’ve overcome so many things already in life together.
