This has been weighing on my mind lately. It’s mainly because Del and I are at the point of having to really discuss our finances in great depth. I’m tired of him working these long grueling hours that are literally almost killing him. I feel he was thriving and enjoying life until he got a promotion. Since then I’ve been having to bite my tongue A LOT. It’s REALLY hard for me to do that!!
Couples Should Combine Finances After Marriage
a photo by Charles McLain on Flickr.
Yes, I’m a firm believer that couples should have their funds combined. It keeps everyone on the same page and it’s really hard for any secrets to take place. Plus you also know what you have to do in order to maintain your home together.
You are forced to work together. You are forced to learn how to discuss one of the toughest topics to reach an agreement on. Every family and person has their own way dealing with money. If you figure out what each spouse’s personality is then you will have a greater chance of reaching a pleasant agreement.
But I Want Control Of My Own Money
I get that feeling all to well. I was a single mother for five years. I was a manager of a restaurant and had a brand new car. I was also well on my way to buying a home. When I married Del, I was determined to control the funds. He didn’t fuss or kick up a storm about it. Instead, he kept silent for the most part. However, I noticed he was regressing into a dark place.
I didn’t understand what the world was wrong. So, I asked him. Luckily he’s always been open about his feelings. He expressed to me that I wasn’t treating him like the man of the house. Now mind you, I am a believer that the man should be the head of the home provided he acts like a man should act. Del was making money too, and I could quit working anytime I took a notion to do it. Of course, it got the point that he put his foot down and made me quit because my job was physically killing me, much like his current job is doing to him.
However, I had to back down and let him be the man and have that final say over our funds. There are times that decision has been a hard one to swallow. However, I know I’m doing the right thing because that is the way God intended for marriage to be. Del has always taken my opinion into account and we do discuss big expenses in great detail. There are times we literally take months deciding how we are going to handle our money. We go through so many sheets of papers and juggling of funds in our minds, and we banter back and forth a lot. In the end though, we reach a lot of compromising and giving and taking.
In the end, we still all get what we need and want, there are many times that someone ends up waiting for something they want. I have to give Del a lot of credit he puts his desires on the back burner a lot to ensure that the kids and I have the wants we long for first.
The point I’m trying to make is that once we say, “I do.” There is no separation between the two of you. You are ONE UNIT. Everything you have earned and bought since you got married is joint property! So, the only thing you are doing is causing greater stress in your marriage when you don’t combine things completely.
What are your thoughts on this topic?
We tried to keep our finances separate when we were first married, and it just didn’t work. It as too hard to do and didn’t accomplish anything anyway. We quickly learned that pooling everything was a much better plan. Like you say, once you’re married, you are one unit! –Lisa
Thank you for sharing your experience with us Lisa. It’s greatly appreciated. I tend to have to learn things the hard way to much.