In my case, I feel like I reveal a lot about myself as well as my family. We are pretty transparent, including the fact that I’m full of personality online (i.e. in my blog and in Twitter parties), but a recluse in person. My kids love being the center of anything online. My husband use to say that I should only talk about the good aspects about him, but now he’s open to the idea of me talking about all the details of our relationship after I was so bold to talk about my “Holey Granny Behind.”
I do still hold back on many cases about things that happen in our life. The family drama that seems to take place day in and day out here. I also don’t go into details about some of my own personal battles that I have with depression off and on (although, it’s nowhere close to what it’s been since 2006.) It’s still there though.
I definitely don’t talk about the many mood swings I have and how it drives me batty. SO I can only imagine how my family feels having to deal with them. I can’t stand being a moody mess. One minute I’m happy go lucky and the next minute I want a punching bag so bad I can feel myself hitting it to smithereens. Some days I wake up with all intentions of staying in a good mood all day long, and the kids are just a bit more hyper than I would like them to be and that mood is thrown out the window for an entire day.
It bugs the living tar out of me how some people state, “Oh, you just have to decide what type of mood you’re going to have. It’s called self-control.” Well, honey let me tell you, some people have no control over their so called ‘self-control.’ Self-control is a great thing and I do believe it can exist, but only up to a point. Evidentially self-control seems to jump on a train that I’m not even seeing and waves bye-bye to me almost daily.
I don’t talk about the fact that I’m a major emotional eater. I literally was anorexia during my preteen years because I was so miserable with life and didn’t want to live. Now, I’m the polar opposite and an emotional eater. When I’m stressed I eat anything I can get my hands on, and it’s like a vicious cycle.
My mom always stated, that when I got happy in my life the weight would fly off of me. I was extremely happy while pregnant with Zeva despite how much pain and agony she put me through. I lost a LOT of weight while I was pregnant with her. Of course, the doctors asked my husband and I if I changed my eating habits and we both were quick to tell him no. The doctors stated that my hormones looked to be totally on track. I didn’t have nearly as many mood swings while I was pregnant with her. Of course, it was hard to tell that since I was in so much pain.
I don’t talk much about what it was like to see my mom beat to a pulp as a kid. I don’t talk much about how I longed to have a solid family growing up, and still fear that I won’t have my family in tact the rest of my life. I don’t want to live through another divorce or have my kids endure it. I don’t talk about how when Del and I do fight that I feel like such a hypocrite talking about marriage tips on my blog.
I am nowhere close to having my life completely together. I do the best I can with what I have. I have a long way to go to have all of my ducks in a row, but I strive to improve something every day even if it’s something small. I love many aspects of my life and I treasure a lot too. Please don’t take this post to mean that I a miserable and have a lot to complain about. I was just revealing that there is plenty that I leave on discussed.
Honestly, do you think I should cover these topics on my blog?