According to top psychologists, having enough privacy and space in your relationship is even more important for the strength of your partnership and your happiness than having a good sex life. Are you too clingy with your man? Do you give him plenty of space and allow him to miss you once in a while? If your answer is yes to the first and no to the second question, you may need to take some time out to let him have room to breathe, so he doesn’t start to feel smothered. He will appreciate you more for this. Here are some ideas to help you give each other more space without growing apart.
Do You Feel Secure In Your Attachment?
According to psychologist John Aiken, your need (or lack thereof) for space in a relationship is directly relate to your “attachment style,” which stems from your childhood parent bonding. For example, if you parents treated you with love and warmth, you have a secure attachment and you can cope with periods of time apart from your partner without it affecting you negatively.Photo by Kristin Maynes
However, if you were raised by anxious or rejecting parents, you may have a problem with being too clingy with your partner.
How To Give Each Other Space
To have a strong relationship, you have to know how to give each other space. So don’t panic if your partner says “I want some space,” or “I want some time to myself,” he’s just indicating that he needs a little room to focus on himself. Don’t take it as a sign of rejection. Alternatively, your partner may feel like he wants more space, but is not saying it aloud. Does he like to have time out to do independent activities, or would he rather the two of you do something together?
Creating a Balance
When two people come together in a relationship the level of intimacy is increased dramatically and in giving up your single lives, you are no longer separate entities but a partnership. If you and your partner have different needs for intimacy you need to learn to balance them out so that he doesn’t feel smothered and you don’t feel rejected. No two people have exactly the same level of need for intimacy. Working out a healthy balance is quite an art. If your relationship is relatively new, it can be difficult, in the beginning, to know how to give your partner space.
Giving Him Space
Here are some tips to help you give your partner (and yourself) some breathing space.
- Stay positive: this is not a negative thing but will strengthen your relationship, so feel good about it and don’t take it as a rejection or personal affront.
- Do your own thing: Don’t just sit around moping if he’s gone off to do his thing. You need to find something that you’d like to do independently; this is how you develop a strong and secure identity.
- Agree on a timeframe: Does you partner want to spend a couple of hours at the bar with his buddies or to go on a four-day fishing trip? Talk to each other about how much time you need to spend apart and compromise on a timeframe. That way no one will get hurt.
- Have respect: If your significant other says he wants space, respect that request. If he asks you not to call or text then don’t. Play by the rules, even if it’s not exactly what you want. If you do feel upset about this time apart or you think it is too long, don’t bottle it up inside. Be honest with your partner about how you feel, he has to respect your feelings too.
- Encourage your partner: Even if you are upset about him taking some time out, try to be as encouraging as possible with your partner. It is important that he feels secure in taking time out to socialize or engage in recreational activity. Don’t give him a guilt trip. This time apart will strengthen your relationship. If you’re looking for more ideas on how to give him some space, check out Vixen Daily.
No matter how much you love each other and how strong your relationship is, you don’t have to live in each other’s pockets. If you spend too much time together you will begin to feel irritable and crowded. Allow each other plenty of “me time” and your relationship will be strong and long-lasting.
Megan Holt writes about in-depth women’s lifestyle topics from dating to dieting. Her must-read articles can be found around the internet.