When you first started dating, your man couldn’t wait to see you. He would make any excuse for you to spend time together. As the months go by, his enthusiasm seems to be waning. You spend less time together, and when you are together, he seems distant and withdrawn. Why do men often appear so far away and what makes them withdraw? Here are some healthy insights for women who are losing their mind over their man.
Why He’s Withdrawing
Something doesn’t feel right. His tone is off, he’s sitting too far away from you when you’re watching a movie, and he’s not really listening to what you’re saying. You’re not imagining it; unfortunately, there is suddenly a growing distance between you and your partner. There are common reasons why a man draws away, and things you can do about them.Photo by Kelly B
Fear of rejection: When a man suffers from this withdrawal type, he can easily get stuck in a self-defeating cycle. Because he’s fearful of taking a risk, he decides he would rather retreat. Be reassuring and let your guy know how you feel about him, but also let him have some space when he needs it. Find out more at a new mode.
Fear of intimacy: For some people, it can be very daunting to let another person know your most intimate thoughts, dreams and especially fears. It’s not uncommon for a person to want to back off a little when a relationship is getting very intimate. When this type of withdrawal is brief, there is nothing to worry about. If it continues for a prolonged period, it may be a sign that your man is not yet ready for a close relationship.
Need for personal space: We all need personal space; some of us more than others. So if your partner is withdrawing a little don’t; take it personally. He may just need some time on his own, to do his own thing. Maybe he likes to have a night out with the guys, take a weekend fishing trip or go hiking in the mountains. Let him have his space, this is very healthy for your relationship, and when he comes back, you’ll be even closer.
Avoiding conflict: Your partner may be withdrawing because they are overwhelmed by a certain situation and they’re trying to escape conflict and stay calm during a stressful situation. This can be hurtful but the worst thing you can do in this situation is try to demand his attention. This will only make him withdraw more. Give him some time and talk about it when you are both calmer.
Difficulty communicating: Men and women communicate differently. Whereas women use communication to build rapport and create intimacy, men use it to confirm their independence. As a women, you are more in tune to your man’s body language than he is to yours, he is also probably less expressive, so you need to be aware in subtle changes in his posturing and facial expressions, they can help you understand him when you’re not sure where he’s coming from. If you and your partner have trouble communicating, try adapting your style a little to match his.
His upbringing: Many men are taught from an early age not to show their feelings. Showing emotions is considered unacceptable and they are often punished for letting their feelings out. In adulthood, this translates as being reserved or withdrawn when it comes to showing feeling and this can be very frustrating for women. On the other hand, no matter how your man was raised, there will come a time when he cannot help but let his feeling out. When this happens, be understanding and listen to what he has to say. Don’t cut him off at the pass otherwise, he will build an even bigger wall between you.
Remember, that just because your partner is withdrawing, it does not necessarily mean he is retreating from you. There are many reasons why he feels the need to back up a little. The most important thing you can do is talk about it openly with him, without being accusatory and try to understand that he may be struggling with the intensity of his feelings and confusion about his emotions. Give him time to get used to this new intimacy. If you feel he is taking too long, then maybe it’s time for you both to move on.
Gracie Little is what she describes as a Love Guru. She works with women to figure our their relationships and get them on the right track. Her articles appear on a variety of women’s lifestyle blogs.