As much as I want to state her name out loud to the roof tops, I don’t feel I have that right because legally she is no longer my child. However, she will forever remain my child in my heart. Although, I don’t regret allowing her step-mother to adopt her, there isn’t a day that goes by that she doesn’t cross my mind.
Today she turns 13 years old. It’s been since August 30th, 2008 that I’ve held her in my arms. I cried many moons over her departure. However, I also knew that she was better off with her father in PA. It has been honestly the hardest thing I’ve EVER done was letting her go.
Yet, despite it all there is a peace within my soul over her being there. That’s because I prayed long and hard over my decision. I had the choice. I asked her what she wanted since she was almost 8 years old when she had the chance to go live with her father, whom she adored since prior to her birth.
After she was born, I suffered with MAJOR postpartum depression, but I had no clue that was what I was dealing with. It was horrible for me, and I can only imagine how it was for everyone around me. I was ready to die and didn’t want to live. I’ve come mighty close to taking my own life many times during those dark years.
I wasn’t able to be the mother she needed and deserved because of reasons unknown to even myself. I’m a totally different mother with my three kids I have now than I was with her. I’ve always felt she was my angel literally!!
She use to tell me things were going to happen long before they did all the time. She kept me going when I just wanted to quit and give up. Honestly, she is the reason why I’m where I am now in my life.
I’ve always been a firm believer that people come in your life for a reason. Some people are only meant to be in it for a short period of time, and I knew long before she was born that she wouldn’t always be my child to raise. I can’t explain that to someone who doesn’t understand it.
However, I’ve treasured the seven years I got to raise her and be a part of her life. I’ve gained far more from her than she probably gained from me. As she goes into her teenager years, I pray to God every single day that she makes far wiser decisions than I made as a teenager. I hope she is getting the guidance she needs during these years to know her value and her worth. I feel confident that her mother is doing that, but in the same token, there are outside influences that are going to be far stronger than her current mother.
Today, I say to you my angel, happy birthday. Make wise choices and know that I do love you and miss you dearly, and hope one day to see you again! Know you are worth far more than you will ever know, and you’re going to make a positive difference in this world. You have a light within you that is very bright and whole! Trust in God, and let him guide your life, and you’ll never go wrong even if the requests he gives you are hard to do.
Adoption is never easy for any party, but sometimes it is something that should be done.
Have you ever been a part of the adoption process? Or close to someone who has? How has it shaped your/their life?