What Being a Single Mom Taught Me

“You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose.” By Jo Coudert

Being a  single mother wasn’t a terrible thing. I was extremely free to do what I wanted. I didn’t have a desire to do a lot of things that didn’t include my daughter. She became my world. I worked and came home and spent time with her.

I had no licenses or a car. I had to rely on public transportation to get me back and forth to work for a long time. Then I had my ex-friends (whom, I still wish that we could have settled our battle in a more reasonable manner, but sometimes that isn’t an option) who helped me out more than I can ever express. I honestly thank them from the bottom of my heart. I still think of them despite all that happened between us with nothing but love and gratitude.

Anyways, I thought about going to college then, but online college was still fairly new. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to take in college still as well. However, life has a way of taking control without you even realizing it.

Life was hard, but good all at the same time. I spent time getting to know myself. Yes, I went insane while I was bedridden with my daughter and it took something drastic to happen for me to start to snap out of it. When a person goes from being on their feet and on the move 18-20 hours a day involved in as much as she can possibly handle to being told you can’t get out of bed and all I had to do was stare at a wall all day long, that is enough to drive anybody insane.

However, I realized that a single mother can make it on her own. We don’t need a man to take care of us. We don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. We also have time to focus on ourselves a lot. I had actually got down to a size 14 when I was single, but…..

I’m not saying that I’m not happy now because Lord knows I’m extremely happy now with my life. However, many people fear the single life and being a single mother. My hat still goes off to all the single mothers out there because it’s not easy doing it all by yourself. It takes working more hours to make ends meet, it takes giving up going out and doing things that you enjoy (only a small amount is allotted), and it takes putting the little ones ahead of yourself all the time.

I have learned that I would much rather be single than in an unhappy marriage. I also have learned that I’m worth a lot. I deserve to be happy. I also deserve to have someone who will treat me well and respect me and help me grow into the person I want to become. I have a husband now who loves me unconditionally, but when I make a mere mention about wanting to pursue something that will be good for me, he’ll push me until I make it happen. He supports whatever route I decide to take as long as I’m not hurting myself or our family. He’s there to catch me when I fall when I decide to be stubborn and do things MY way (and trust me I have been known to fall quite often.) He will hand me the moon and stars as long as he’s able to do it. Yes, we fight, but at the end of the day we have resolved that issue and are connected once again. I know beyond a shadow of  a doubt that I will be with my husband until the day I die. There’s no question about where I stand with him.

Marriage is work. If your not willing to put forth the work it requires to keep it together, then you don’t need to be married. It requires compromising and learning what you can and can not live with when it comes to your spouse. My husband has a LONG list of things he complains about me every three or four months, and he vents really hard about them and then he reminds me and himself that’s who I am, and I can’t change those annoying traits. However, he knows he can live with them. Just like I knick pick about his traits that annoy me (almost daily), but we both know I can live with them, and we brush it off and go about our day. No couple is perfect! However, we have to love and respect each other. Women want love and Men want respect. That’s the way God made us. If you haven’t read the book called [easyazon_link identifier=”1591453488″ locale=”US” tag=”tidbitofexp-20″]Love and Respect[/easyazon_link] and are in a relationship, READ IT from cover to cover. It is an amazing book!!

Well, I’ve rambled enough. Hope this finds you doing well.

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED ON

in

Life Advice, Marriage

Photo of author

Crystal

I'm Crystal. I'm married to Dale, and mother to Johnny. Some might say that my life is perfect because I get to do all the cliché wife things like cooking, cleaning, and decorating - but there's more! I also have many hobbies including needlework (crochet), sewing, and reading. My son's education is important, so we homeschool him together.

Leave a Comment