Well, last night was her second night home, and it was way better!! Del and I were calm enough to take our prespective shifts. 🙂 The doctor stated that she was latose intolerate, and so we changed her formula about 3:30pm yesterday and that made a world of difference. She really came alive more. She is starting to act like the baby that I figured she would be. Now if we can just get rid of the jaundice we’d have it made. 🙂 However, her jaundice level isn’t high enough to have me overly concerned. I would just like to not have to worry about anything. She’s literally laying in a window sill getting all the sunlight on her. 🙂
I got my grade back today from my one class and it was only a high C. It was so disappointing to see that because I honestly thought I did better than that. 🙁 Now I really fear the results from the other class because I was really on the borderline in that class. I could barely function during this semester. I was really regretting that I even did the classes, but I didn’t want to stop. I just hope I don’t regret it.
We’re hoping to have the time and energy to make Christmas cookies tonight. It’s going to be a family affair, and I’m looking forward to it. Del has been cooking the last two days and doing laundry and trying to keep the house in order. It means so much to me that he’s doing it!! He’s trying to give me time to heal from my surgery. Plus I get to focus on Zeva mostly.
I am so utterly torn about my going back to work. I want to go back to work so that we can afford to do more together as a family and have the ability not have to stress over whether or not we’re going to have the loads we need to pay our bills. Of course, I also feel that God will lead me in the right direction because he’ll close the door that I’m going to be trying to get through, if I’m not suppose to go back to work. The job I’m going after, I love with a passion and I am damn good at it when I stick my mind to it. Plus it gives me a lot of pride when I succeed with it. Plus it allows us to have a life that we enjoy more. We’re able to go do things as a family, we’re able to spoil our kids more, and we’re not stressing over things as much. In some ways, yes, I love being here for my kids and seeing them grow with each passing second. However, I also like them to see that their Mommy is successful at work and that we can do more together when I’m off. Plus when I am home, the time we have together is all the more precious because we savor every minute we have together. I feel like I’m providing them what they need as a result. My husband does a great job supporting us, but in today’s economy it’s easier with two incomes than one!!! I’d miss my kids being with me 24/7, but the reality is we have to make choices that aren’t easy.
That brings up the huge debate of whether or not a working mother is terrible or if she is just doing what has to be done to provide for her kids in the manner to which they deserve. It’s hard to be a full time employee and a full time mother, but woman have been doing it for centuries now. I did it as a single mother, and I treasured the time I had with my daughter, and we had a lot of fun. My boys have seen me work before too, and they missed me yes, but I know I’m giving them so much more out of life when I do work. All any parent truly wants is to give their kids the most out of life!! Now I have three blessings to take care of. I have everything I’ve ever wanted in life. It literally feels like a dream. I can’t believe God made certain that Del and I got back together and also blessed us with the kids we wanted. I can’t describe the level of happiness I feel!!! I honestly feel so utterly secure in my life and don’t feel like the rug is going to be pulled out from underneath me.