Your living situation should be your sanctuary. You should feel a sense of calm and peace when you walk into your front door. No matter how your day went or what happened outside of the home, you should feel centered and grounded within your own four walls. However, when you live with someone in recovery, that feeling of groundedness can go out the window. You may feel tense and unease creep in.
First, know that this is normal. Living with someone in recovery is not easy. However, it can be the best situation to get them back up on their own two feet and to support them through this difficult journey. Here are a few tips that families should consider to show support without enabling their loved one.
1. Educate Yourself
You’ll never truly know what your loved one is facing. You won’t fully understand what it feels like to be in their shoes. However, the only way to try is to educate yourself on their ailment. If someone is recovering from an addiction to substances, do your own homework and research before passing judgment on another person. For someone coping with a mental health condition such as depression, read up on what this feels like and why they just can’t snap out of their depressed state.
Addiction and mental health diseases are complex conditions. It’s going to take more work than just doing a quick Google search about their specific diagnosis. To truly educate yourself, look up resources of first-person narratives as well as those written by family and friends. If you’re able, seek friends who may have experienced similar situations and ask what helped them. Listen to podcasts and read books on addiction or mental health to get a better sense of what exactly is going on. Doing so will put you in the best place to serve your loved one as they navigate what’s next for them.
2. Encourage Treatment
Recovery can be a long and winding road. Oftentimes, it takes more than one treatment path to fully recover from an addiction. That said, your loved one may assume that they’re “cured” because they went to a few therapy sessions or participated in a couple of Alcoholics Anonymous classes. While these certainly are steps in the right direction, families and loved ones should continue to encourage treatment as much as possible.
Fortunately, there are numerous options available based on the individual’s circumstances. Rehabilitation may be necessary to provide structured care. An outpatient rehab facility can be beneficial if the individual needs accountability but feels like they have the support they need to continue to live at home. These facilities are available for those who have struggled with alcohol, drugs, or mental health. Rehab for depression, for instance, takes a personalized approach, providing individuals with the tools and tactics they need to see the light and come out on the other side.
Other types of treatments include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). With both of these treatments, a practitioner will work with the individual over a period of time to change negative thought patterns, process emotions, and provide customized approaches each step of the way. For some, medications may be prescribed in addition to therapy to assist with those in recovery. Of course, any prescriptions need to be taken as directed by a healthcare practitioner to see the best results.
3. Establish Clear Boundaries
It’s your home and your rules, meaning that you get to establish what can and cannot happen within your home. For instance, just like you wouldn’t allow a dog to enter if you have an animal-free home, you won’t let your loved one enter if they have been drinking or doing drugs. Another boundary may be that doors to bedrooms must stay open at all times. A common boundary for many families may be financial. If you’ve supported a child through recovery treatment, you may put your foot down if they ask for more money to pay off some debts.
When establishing these boundaries, it’s essential that everyone within the house knows them and is aware of them. Have a one-on-one conversation with your loved one and explain what the boundaries are and why you’re setting them. Listen to their reactions and gather your thoughts before responding. Remember, they are still in recovery and may feel more unstable and shaky. Conversing with them about boundaries may be a difficult topic, but it’s one you must have for everyone living in the home to feel safe, secure, and respected.
4. Prioritize Your Own Well-Being
Living with someone in recovery can quickly deplete your own battery. You may not notice it at first, but you’ll likely be directing a lot of your energy and attention toward your loved one. In doing so, you may skip out on the routines and habits that you once enjoyed doing. For instance, instead of going to that Sunday morning yoga class, you may be trying to organize the house for the week for everyone instead. Or rather than calling up a friend and going for a walk in the neighborhood, you may be consumed with care responsibilities.
It’s common for families to feel more on edge and constantly worried or stressed during these situations. You may be hoping that your loved one doesn’t slip up and have a drink, or you may wonder if they’re hiding any substances in their room. Speaking out about these worries to a therapist or attending a support group can be extremely helpful. Therapists and counselors can provide practical tips and self-care habits that will enable you to still feel like yourself while also living with someone in recovery.
Final Takeaways
There is no manual for living with someone in recovery, but these tips can serve as a guide to ensure that everyone within the home feels cared for and supported. Although each day may bring its own challenges, know that your kindness and love are the most important things during this difficult time.
