I’ve been reading all over the Internet lately about how many parents are stating that they are failing their kids left and right. I have felt that as I’m reading those wonderful blog posts that God is convicting my heart. I’m not a perfect mother by any means. I try in earnest to be a good one, but it’s EXTREMELY hard to be when I wasn’t raised up with a good one myself.
My Mom’s Excuse
My mom used the excuse that she wasn’t raised up with a good mother either because hers was a drunk. My mom had two alcoholic parents raising her. When I read the memoire that she was trying to write in her final years of her passing it makes perfect sense why she acted the way she did towards me. She literally refused to have more kids after I was born. She claims that’s because all I did was cry whenever I was around her.
That brings me to my topic for today, because I’m dealing with a MAJOR FUSS Box in my daughter UNLESS she is center of someone’s attention ALL THE TIME! Now any real honest to goodness mother will know, that’s impossible.
Especially when you have two other children (one of whom is equally as needy but in a bit different manner and one who requires so much of your time when it comes to teaching him, even though it shouldn’t!) Let’s not forget out about housework, working from home, and also having a husband who also deserves your attention too. I also failed to mention a dog that also is a little jelly poo.
Feeling like a Failure
However, I feel like I’m failing them left and right. I NEED to work from home because we do NEED the income, and for as much as I’d love to be able to have the luxury of sending my kids to an actual school I can’t do that living where we do! I wanted to move to a better location so that I could do that, but my husband doesn’t want to leave his family home/land. I don’t really blame him. As a result though, I feel like I’m failing my kids!
My oldest child should be more prepared for life than he is! Part of that is because he came into my life totally utterly spoiled rotten and he wasn’t taught how to be independent at all. All the independence he has now is because I taught it too him. He still is nowhere close to where he should be on the chores list, or even on the educational stuff he’s learning. It concerns me drastically that he is so utterly far behind! Now he’s reached that lovely preteen age where the attitude mode has kicked in, and it’s making it twice as difficult to teach him these vital things!
I’m really concerned about my middle child because he’s smart as a fiddle but because I can’t give him the one on one attention that he so richly deserves and needs, I feel like he’s going to end up failing behind as well. I want to be the one to teach these things to him because I see so much of me and my brother in him, and if I don’t do it a certain way he’s going to backslide big time. His teacher is not concerned like I am, and that reassures me big time.
I feel like I’m a failure as a mother. I feel like I’m failing them as a homeschool parent. I especially felt that way after my kids grades came through completely for this past semester. My oldest had more C’s than anything else this year. My husband was very quick to assure me that it wasn’t my fault because he’s seen me teach the kids and he’s seen EVERYTHING I’ve given them to make them better students and how I’ve made sure to have them well equipped to be able to learn the material.
Dealing with Unjust Judgment
It doesn’t help matters that I feel like with each passing day I have people judging me that have no right to judge me as a parent. These people have no right because they weren’t parents themselves to this age group, let alone three of them. They can lie to themselves and say they were, but they weren’t there for their kids when they were young! They didn’t actually spend time with them and RAISE them. It’s easy to say how you’d raise a kid until you actually have to do it!
Yes, I’m ranting and raving. I know I’m nowhere close to the best mother on this Earth. What I do know, is I do the best I can. I do know my kids are confident that I love them and would go to the ends of this Earth for them. I do know that I’m striving like crazy to make my kids fully independent of me by the time they are 18 years old.
I want them to be able to walk out of my house at 18 years old ready to take on the world as it’s handed to them. I want them to already have employment of some kind under their belt, a high school diploma, and a sense of some type of direction for their lives. I also want them to be able to handle maintaining a home of their own with ease. I realize that life may throw me some curve balls along the way for this course for my kids and that things may not go as planned. Despite those obstacles, I will still do everything in my power to make this happen for my kids or die trying!
Do you have days where you feel like you’re failing your kids?