Well, I have been having to fight the urge to dig in and over eat today. I have had a few incidences that have shaken me up some.
Yesterday, I went to town by myself yesterday. Del kept all the kids, and I was advised to go do some things for myself. Well, I have managed to go from 289 to 237 since we found out I was pregnant. I have lost a total of 52 pounds. It’s really starting to show. In turn, I am a bit more confident in how I look. Unfortunately, when I’m more confident, I also notice others around me more. Yesterday, I didn’t seek attention from anyone around me, but yet, four different men went out of their way to get my attention. For all I know they could have been doing it just to be “nice”, but I don’t trust other men. Unless, I have to talk to a male (like doing it for work or other business transactions), I won’t go out of my way to talk to them when I’m alone or with the kids. It made me uncomfortable to be getting “attention” of any kind from the opposite sex. It could have just been me being self cautious that I noticed it since I knew I lost a lot of weight and you can really start to see some shape to my body besides one huge box. However, it made me want to come home and EAT (to regain the shield back.) I did eat as soon as I got home, but luckily I had my heart set on a salad before I left the house. However, I did dig into two big pieces of cake. When I realized what I was doing, I threw the rest of the cake away LITERALLY. I hated to waste that much cake, but since I found out I couldn’t trust myself with it in the house, I had to do something about it.
I know I’d do fine in this class if there was an “actual” class where someone SHOWED me how to do this stuff. However, handing me a book and problems with just the solutions (and not showing step by step) how they got their answer is NOT helping me one bit. I’m NOT giving up, but my faith in my passing this class is really shaky at best. After what happened in my last two classes, it’s quite a bit deflating for me. Especially since this is the last class I can take until we find financing for me to continue on with my quest. Time will tell.
The boys and Del have been sick for the past couple of days. So, Jimmy’s a bit behind on his school work, but we’ll get him caught up soon. When he feels better, I have faith that he’ll do what he needs to do to get back on track. It’s been hard having all of them sick.
So far, Zeva and I haven’t gotten whatever is going around. I took the flu shot when I was pregnant, and I think that’s what is keeping us safe so far.
Today Del and I talked in more detail about my issue that I’ve been fighting to fix. It upset me, and I almost dug into the cabinets looking for something to eat. However, I went and took a bath instead. I thought I was still starving when I got out. I cooked dinner early, and even covered my plate full of food. I only ate 1/4 of what was on my plate, and put the rest up and gave half of it to Jimmy (he’s a very skinny boy.) So, I managed to still stay on track despite the urge to eat my sorrows away. Now the kicker is, am I going to make it through the night??
Hope this finds you doing well.
