One of the most heard of complaints with married women who have been in a long term relationship is why my husband never compliments me. Often times it becomes a distant memory. As a result, marriages start to crumble. Crystal shared 12 Days of Saving Your Marriage Using Only Christmas Gifts in hopes of helping marriages overcome many of these issues. I personally wanted to address the whole lack of compliments issue.
Why My Husband Never Compliments Me
Crystal’s looks have drastically changed throughout the twenty plus years I’ve known her. She has been skinny, just right, and now fluffy. However, regardless as to how she’s looked my love for her has never diminished. If anything the longer we’re together the more my love for her grows. Yet, she complains that I don’t tell her how beautiful she is or what I think of when it concerns her looks. I have to remind her that I never really did it.
I was taught that looks does not make a person more lovable. I’ve witnessed my mom and stepfather stay in a loving marriage for over 30 years. I always wanted a marriage made for life. So, when I fell in love, it was with WHO and WHAT she was like. Not how she looked!
I have asked some of my fellow guy friends if they have the same mentality and whether they compliment their partners. To me, Crystal will always be beautiful. I don’t see her looks, I see HER. So, yes, I fail to tell her that I think she looks beautiful or sexy in an outfit.
If she does happen to wear an outfit that I really like, I do bring it up, but that is the extent of my complimenting her looks. I never want her to feel like she has to lose weight to please me or make me want her and ask why my husband never compliments me.
I’ve found that many of my guy friends feel the same way I do. We have our “love blinders” on. To us, our women are the most beautiful women alive. We may look at other women, but none of them will ever compare to the women we have right next to us.
This doesn’t just apply to husband not complimenting wife, I can also say why my wife never compliments me. However, we live in a society where it’s not normal for a wife to compliment her husband.
So, ladies, if your husband doesn’t tell you that you’re beautiful or sexy that often (or at all), and still shows you that he loves you in other ways rest assured to him YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
This gives me some incite!! I’m glad to hear that you and your friends feel that way about your wifes, unfortunately I need to hear that once in a while. That is just the way women are or at least me and my daughter and sisters! So glad for you two!! Keep it up!
What a wonderful post. Thanks for sharing it with us at #MeanderingMondays.
Hi! I found your link up at Cornerstone Confessions! I appreciate the insight! Us women want to impress our husbands so much, words of affirmation are sometimes all we’re looking for. This helps see things from the male perspective… Good stuff!
Kristi @ http://www.kristisaidit.blogspot.com
Fun post – I hope to show it to my kids!
I dont think men get it, we women know our beauty if fleeting we want to know that they appreciate the beauty that the gracious god has given them.. I havent been complimented in so long that I melt when a stranger compliments me… that shouldnt happen..
I understand your point of view. I don’t understand why, if you know that telling her she is beautiful will fill her with joy, you won’t tell her. It’s like you enjoy being stingy. That to me is sad. I bet she spends time fluffing your ego. I wonder, if you told her she looks beautiful on a regular basis, what positive impact that small act of generosity would have on you both. They say there is joy in giving, too. Be giving. ❤
You are so right Karen
This is a load of crap, stop taking your wives for granted. Some other man WILL tell her she’s beautiful and light up for her if your complacent self won’t.
Agree. If you guys can ask her to bring you a beer or a glass of wine~ you can surely muster “you’re beautiful” occasionally. Idiots…
oh shut the fuck up Ananda you self righteous man loathing feminazi piece of shit.
To not tell the woman you love that she is beautiful because she should already know you feel that way is a sad cop out. Every woman I know needs to hear her man thinks she’s beautiful every now and then. I tell my husband he’s handsome all the time. I tell him how much I appreciate how hard he works and what a good father he is. And he eats it up. I don’t expect to be showered in compliments every second, but I do expect my husband to tell me he thinks I’m beautiful every once in a while. I start to feel like I’m being taken for granted if I stop hearing it for long periods of time (weeks/months). It’s not a difficult thing to say “hey babe, you’re so beautiful to me.” Stop being lazy and making excuses.
Telling the woman you love that she is beautiful will literally take 2 seconds. It is free. And it takes ZERO effort to do. Just do it and stop making excuses.
Completely agree. People need to stop being so lazy.
I absolutely hate excuses like this.
In the beginning my husband would me and told me all those things and more now, as the years have gone by I hear it less and less but I will tell you that every time I hear it it makes me feel like I am receiving a burst of confidence. I recognize that I should not leave my worth in the hands of another but when it comes to your spouse it feels good to be reminded that you still desire them. Men, tell your wives you love them and they are beautiful today
I have been with my husband 23 years Married for 18 and he has never told me I’m pretty or beautiful and I’ll tell you what it hurt’s. I love him with all my heart and complement him all the time. I treat him like a king but it hurts to mot here those words in over 23 years.
Gentlemen here is some advice if love her show her not by buying her stuff or anything like that appreciate her,compliment her,show her by the little thing yeah the big things are nice but the little things mean more and if you don’t and you lose her it’s on you. PLEASE DON’T HURT YOUR LADIES LIKE THIS. physical pain heals and you forget it but mental and emotional pain doesn’t heal it’s just pushed to the back of you mind but when something causes you to remember the pain starts all over again.SP TO ALL YOU KINGS OUT THERE ALL SHE WANTS IS TO BE YOUR QUEEN NOT YOUR JOKER.
I remember when I was arguing with my husband about this girl that he thought was pretty. Immature, I know. But he said, “What bugs me is that you act like you’re not pretty too.” Like, you never tell me that you think I am. So how am I supposed to know that YOU think I am. Maybe I wouldn’t feel insecure about you thinking other women are beautiful, if I thought that you thought I was too. A lot changes throughout the years, feelings can change in a heartbeat. Most of all, having children can change how you feel about yourself. It changes your body in a way that’s hard to accept at times and feel beautiful about. It doesn’t hurt to make your woman feel like shes beautiful. Even if shes not the most beautiful woman in the world, she wants to FEEL like she is in your world. Like her face is your favorite, because it’s hers and you love her. Until then, the most important thing you can do ladies is LOVE yourself the way you wish your partners would. You fall in love with yourself the way you do others. Get to know yourself, accept yourself for who you are, and realise there is NO ONE else out there like you. That your beauty is unique to only you. And if you truly feel unappreciated, I promise you that you deserve what you desire. If one man won’t make you feel that way, find someone that will. No matter how much history you have, you’re not stuck. You WILL find someone that thinks you’re beautiful just the way you are and wants to give you the world. Men like that do exist, but you won’t find one while staying with one who takes you for granted. I also wanted to say.. that just because your partner doesn’t appreciate your beauty, doesn’t mean that your beauty doesn’t take someone else’s breath away.
aww…how romantic. I didn’t see that one coming. That is a positive way to look at it. Of course, I’d still like to hear I look ravishing in my dress! LOL
I have loved reading all the notes. I searched the topic today because in the last 10 years of marriage I can count on one hand the number of times I have received a compliment on my looks. When we dated I had shoulder length curly hair. As the hair has grayed the curls got less and less so I cut my hair. Short and sassy, but I loved the style. Many friends complimented me on the new look. But my husband hates it. Since the cut I get no compliments. I can get all dolled up and nothing. I have asked him what do I have to do to get a compliment. He says he likes long hair. The kicker was when he asked me if I wanted him to lie. So does that mean he never thinks I look nice? Married for 18 years and now I can’t even get a “you look nice” or “nice dress”. At 58 I don’t like the idea of having to grow my hair long to get a nice word. The gray just doesn’t curl like my younger hair did. I find myself really having a hard time thinking he doesn’t find me attractive. It gets me down and I cry often about it.
Oh well just saying his compliment, if genuine would mean a great deal. Never realized how much I needed it.
47th anniversary this July and never many compliments unless I ask for them, ugh! But what is disturbing is that if I do get a compliment, it’s usually a raunchy sexual backhanded compliment,like “You C__t, you!”
Now that’s romance.