The Fantasy Marriage Syndrome

I grew up in a home where my parents were divorced from each other from the time I was two years old. They both remarried to other people several times throughout my life. I can remember being a little girl dreaming of the day when I would get married and how I would make things so much better in my marriage. I vowed I wouldn’t make the same mistakes as my parents did. Ironically, had I married my true love  the first time I very well may not have made them?

My Fantasy Marriage

I wanted to be the type of wife that put my husband first above everything else except God. I dreamed that I would keep the house clean, cook him meals daily and that we would raise our kids together in harmony. I dreamed that we would cuddle in each other’s arms every night and wake up with kisses wrapped up together. We’d make love daily because we could never get enough of each other. We’d be sure to have loads of family outings together. We’d both work and make a reliable income to support ourselves and still manage to put God and our marriage as our top priorities in life.

The Reality Marriage

What I got instead of my fantasy marriage, is a man who doesn’t talk much about God. He is not interested in going to church. He does family outings with us, but it’s not as often as the family would like to see him take part. He does work for the family business when he’s physically able. I do work professionally on the blog.

I would love to say that my husband’s requests and desires are placed above that of everything else. The reality though is lately it seems his desires from me tend to end up on the back burner until the rest of the world around us is satisfied. It does break my heart some that I have let that happen. As I write this, it is dawning on me just how far I’ve let this issue get out of hand. This is something that I need to make a reality! My husband deserves to know that I love him and care about his needs more than that of the outside world.

We do cuddle and wake up with kisses, but we don’t cuddle all night long because we quickly learned a few months into our marriage that it really isn’t realistic to do every single night all night long. We usually give each other a kiss first thing when we’re BOTH awake passings each other in the hallway. (We do not wake up together; it’s always one of us who gets up before the other.)

The Fantasy Marriage Syndrome

Until Del’s health issues, we had a very healthy love life. Due to his health problems, now sex is something we enjoy when we can. Our passion for each other is still very high, and that makes for some incredible moments when we’re able to connect.

As far as me cooking and cleaning the home, let’s just say that I ensure the house is presentable for company. Del does most of the deep cleaning in our home. Cooking has become something of a choir. I do it when I have to. When you have three kids and a husband with a diet we’re still trying to figure out what he can eat, the joy and desire for cooking has diminished almost down to nothing.

The sad fact is I finally have my kitchen nearly 80% of the way I want it to be. I just need the kitchen flooring, and the walls painted, and I’ve got almost a brand new kitchen from what I had when I first moved into this house! I always felt like once I had a kitchen again that I loved to be in that I would want to cook again. If it weren’t for the fear of harming Del by what I cooked, then I probably would be more eager to dive into cooking. I have resisted the urge to cook a lot since the kitchen has been redone by him.

Raising the kids in harmony is a task. The funny thing is we’re both strict parents, but about different things. We each have what we want/expect out of the kids while we’re with them. Our children, for the most part, are good kids, but they have their moments of being a wild bunch of kids that I do not want to claim as my own. We do strive to work together in raising them. We discuss how to handle the major offenses the kids do when we get the chance. In this arena, I believe it’s safe to say that we are trying our best to get it right together. Regardless to how many parenting books I read the real life experiences of actually raising them doesn’t follow a book guideline at all!

Finding the Happy Medium

I may not have the perfect fantasy marriage I dreamed of having as a kid. We are not perfect. Life can’t always be a bed of roses and loads of kisses. We do make the most of the time we’re given together, and we do strive to show each other that we love them in some special way each day. That for me is enough to say that I’m a happily married woman.

The whole idea of me writing this post was to make you stop and look at what you fantasized about what your marriage would look versus what you are living instead. I want you to see the reality is that most people don’t end up with their fantasy marriages. Instead, they end up with something as close to it as possible. We make our dreams a reality by the actions we choose to do when we’re awake.

If you’re not happy in your marriage, then make some steps towards making it better. I highly recommend you consider doing the The Respect Dare. It transformed my marriage with Del, and to this day I will say it what saved it and made our marriage feel as close to the fantasy marriage I dreamed of that we can humanly make possible.

Please describe to me what your vision of your fantasy marriage was when you were growing up. Are you close to having that dream?

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I'm an SC wife and homeschooling mother to three kids and a dog. My family loves to share our life experiences with you one blog post at a time at Tidbits of Experience so that you can make the most of yours. We enjoy telling you about products and services that will make your life better in some way. I LOVE interacting with new people and networking. I look forward to getting to know you more.
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